


Growing Pains

by littlebutterflyexplores42



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Regression, Age Regression/De-Aging, Diapers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive use of pet names, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Hurt/Comfort, Little Space, Little!Taeyong, M/M, More tags will be added as the story progresses, Multi, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Stuffies, all that kind of stuff, bottles, caregiver!Chenle, caregiver!Jaemin, caregiver!Jeno, caregiver!Johnny, eventual polyamory, i have everyone tagged cause they'll all appear eventually, it's kinda sad that un/healthy coping mechanisms is a tag but healthy coping mechanisms isn't, little!Renjun, little!jisung, sippy cups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-05-14 11:29:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19272370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebutterflyexplores42/pseuds/littlebutterflyexplores42
Summary: Taeyong always works so hard, maybe a little too much. But he's learning how to ask for help and to rely on others, one step at a time.AKA that one fic where almost everyone in NCT regresses at least once, with a focus on Taeyong 'cause he's a sweetheart. Write the fics you want to read, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Wheres_my_badger, Xiuminsbun, and softlyuwujin for their encouragement. You guys are the best <3

Taeyong hummed to himself, slowly undressing. The loud sound of the water filling the bath engulfed his ears. He glanced for a brief moment towards the bathroom door, then shook his head and turned off the faucet. He carefully lowered himself into the bath until he had sunk to his chin in bubbles. He sighed appreciatively; he’d gotten the water temperature just right this time. The warmth seeped into his bones and faintly Taeyong thought he might fall asleep with how comfortable he was right now. Now that the water was off, he could hear the quiet instrumental music from his tablet. He almost regretted not choosing the Disney playlist, but then he thought that might have been too much energy for him at the moment.

It’s nice that he’s alone.

It’s nice that he could finally relax.

His eyes drifted over to the small plastic object lying on the tub’s edge. Lazily he raised his arm from the water and picked it up, then quickly put it in his mouth. It was a pacifier-- small, pink, with a little white cloud on the button and the words “so sleepy” printed in cute bubbly black font. His tongue played with the nipple for a moment, before settling into a gentle sucking rhythm. His eyes drooped.

Taeyong was slightly sad. He felt a little too tired to play with the toys in the plastic grocery bag sitting next to the tub. He had just managed to sneak a new set of squirty toys into the dorm from his latest grocery trip, too. There was a _penguin_. But moving would be so much effort now, especially when he felt so soft and warm. And _little_. He recognized it now, this feeling that he had come to associate with being _little_.

_I should probably do a bath sometime when I’m not so tired._ Taeyong thought. _Maybe in the morning._

But everyone would be in the dorm then and anyone could walk in on him, and that made him _so anxious_. He hadn’t figured out what he’d do if someone discovered his regression. He didn’t want to even consider that possibility. So, for now, he was stuck doing this. The _very_ few times that everyone was out of the dorm, he set an alarm to go off a half hour before everyone came back, set up any toys or food or drink that he might need, and then let himself slip.

Taeyong sighed and forced himself to sit up, feeling the regression dissipate, and started to rub shampoo into his pink hair. He felt the uncomfortable strain of forcing himself out of headspace in order to take care of himself. He had gotten headaches doing this before. But he didn’t have any alternative. He let his hands drop into the water and stared at the cup he uses to rinse himself while in the bath. He didn’t really want to take out his paci, but if he didn’t, water would get in his mouth when he rinsed his hair. Taeyong sucked on the paci for a moment, thinking, then shrugged and grabbed the packet of bath crayons from the grocery bag. He could always rinse his hair later. Instead, he started to doodle on the tub ledge.

Suddenly he lit up. He had thought of an idea to draw. He started drawing an island on the back wall of the tub, then some blue lines to indicate water underneath it. He took a purple crayon and started carefully drawing a stick figure of a merman, then started drawing other merpeople with different colors. He took a yellow crayon and drew some sand and treasure near the bottom of the wall.

The ‘washing’ bit of the bath had been forgotten. Now Taeyong was invested in the magical landscape he was creating. But after a half hour, his eyelids started to droop again and he sunk back down into the bath. The bubbles had mostly disappeared and he could see the green water from the watermelon-scented bath bomb he had tossed in earlier. He was so tired. Working hard for the Cherry Bomb comeback had worn him out. The water was still warm and was making him sleepier and sleepier.

_Maybe I’ll just… close my eyes... for a minute..._

~♥~

“Heh, right. Good night Jae,” Johnny said before heading down the hall towards the bathroom. He and the other hyungs had just gotten back from dinner. Thankfully the service had been quick and the traffic had been light, so they managed to get home earlier than they might have. Now Johnny had extra time to scroll through his phone before bed. But first, he needed to wash up. At least it was just makeup removal--he had already taken a shower before going out.

Light shone from underneath the bathroom door and faint instrumental music could be heard playing. Johnny smiled. Taeyong must be getting ready for bed. He had been the only one left in the dorm when they left, saying something about wanting to relax.

Johnny knocked, but there was no response.

Frowning, he knocked again. “Taeyong?”

No response. Johnny thought about maybe leaving and coming back. He could always wash up later. But a pang of worry entered his mind. _Why wasn’t Taeyong answering?_ Johnny slowly cracked open the door and peered inside. What he saw caused him to smile softly. He opened the door wider to let himself in and closed it behind him.

Taeyong was asleep in the bathtub, his chest slowly rising and falling, his hair still soapy. His head was turned slightly away from Johnny. But what really made Johnny smile was the drawings on the bathtub wall. Grabbing a makeup wipe from the vanity, Johnny stepped closer to the tub, taking in Taeyong’s art. There were stick figures with fish tails instead of legs, drawn swimming around in ripply water under a large patch of spikey grass. Lots of yellow dots were at the bottom of the picture along with a few pink stars and hearts. Colorful sticks which Johnny assumed Taeyong used to draw with were scattered on the tub ledge. They kind of looked like pastels with plastic covers to grip onto.

 _How can he be so adorable?_ Johnny thought fondly, before moving to wake Taeyong up. As adorable as he was, sleeping in the bathtub wasn’t the safest thing in the world.

“Yongie, time to wake up,” Johnny called softly, gently shaking the younger’s shoulder. Taeyong whined, shifting his head towards Johnny. The older boy froze, shocked. A pink pacifier was in Taeyong’s mouth. Taeyong opened his eyes, sleepily looking into the other’s face.

“Wha’s w’ong?” Taeyong slurred, noting Johnny’s wide eyes and alarmed expression. The pink haired boy frowned, wondering why his voice sounded weird. And why was he so cold? Taeyong shifted and heard the sloshing of water. Then he remembered. He had been taking a bath. _He had been taking a bath with his little stuff and currently had a pacifier in his mouth._

“Oh my god,” Taeyong blurted out, pacifier falling from his mouth and sinking into the water with a _plunk_. He sat up and backed into the side of the tub as much as he could, trying to get away. Someone had seen him. _Johnny_ had seen him. He started shaking. This was never supposed to happen.

“Um,” Johnny said, still trying to process what he was seeing. “Taeyong. Uh... “ It occurred to him that perhaps he shouldn’t be here. Whatever was going on, it was Taeyong’s concern. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just didn’t want you sleeping in the water. I’ll- I’ll go now, don’t worry, this is your business and I won’t tell anyone about it.” He got up to leave.

Taeyong let out a loud whimper, causing Johnny to whip back around. Then, much to his shock, Taeyong began to cry, babbling something unintelligible. Johnny rushed back over. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Johnny said, frantically trying to calm the other. Taeyong covered his eyes, crying louder. Johnny didn’t know what to do. Hesitantly, he kneeled and put a hand on Taeyong’s arm, stroking it. Taeyong’s sobs lessened but didn’t cease. After a moment of consideration, Johnny sat on the edge of the tub and leaned over to hug Taeyong, ignoring the water soaking into his button-up shirt.

Immediately Taeyong clung to him, sobbing into his chest. Johnny murmured some soothing words and rubbed his back. Johnny might not know what was going on, but Taeyong needed his comfort and that was all that mattered at the moment. His eyes landed on the pacifier lying on the bottom of the tub. Perhaps…?

He picked up the pacifier, dried it on his pants, and gently pressed it to Taeyong’s lips. Immediately Taeyong latched onto it, sucking at it fiercely and burying his head back into Johnny’s shoulder. Taeyong was clinging so tightly that it hurt, but Johnny didn’t dare push him away. After a few minutes, Taeyong had stopped crying. But he was still shaking. It hit Johnny then that Taeyong was freezing, that he wasn’t just shaking from crying.

“Taeyongie, would you please get out of the water?” he asked gently. Taeyong made a noise which Johnny took as agreement. He started to lean away, but Taeyong made another noise- definitely of protest. Johnny frowned. “Yongie, you’re freezing cold, you need to get out of the water.”

Johnny gently pried Taeyong’s arms off of him so he could put his own arms around Taeyong’s waist and lift him out of the tub. He set Taeyong on the toilet lid, grabbed a towel, and draped it around Taeyong’s shoulders. Taeyong pulled it close, anxiously watching Johnny while sucking on the pacifier. The older drained the tub and started picking up the bath crayons and placing them in the bag lying next to the tub. Then he turned to Taeyong.

“You still need to rinse your hair. Do you want me to leave?” Johnny asked. Taeyong quickly shook his head. “Do… you want me to help?” Taeyong sucked harshly at the pacifier but then nodded, looking teary again. Johnny inhaled slowly. He could do this. It wasn’t like they hadn’t showered together before, they had even helped wash each other’s backs at times.

"Okay, that’s fine. Is the shower okay?” Taeyong’s eyes flickered between Johnny and the tub. “Or should I run a quick bath?” Taeyong nodded, fiddling with loose strings on the towel.

Johnny turned on the water. While the tub was filling, he unbuttoned his shirt, peeling the soaked piece of clothing off his torso. He started when he heard an alarm go off. Looking around, he spied Taeyong’s tablet lying on the sink counter. He looked curiously at the alarm’s label. “Clean Up,” it said. Johnny swiped the alarm away, which opened to the music app that Taeyong was using. The playlist “Instrumental” was playing. Next to it was one labeled “Disney Etc.” Johnny looked up at Taeyong.

“Do you mind if I play your Disney playlist?” He asked. Taeyong shrugged, still watching him with sad, worried eyes. Johnny tapped the playlist, tapped shuffle, and smiled when a Moana song started playing. He started humming to it while testing the water temperature. When the tub reached a decent level of water, Johnny helped Taeyong get back into the tub, one hand on Taeyong’s arm to steady him.

“Did you use body wash or anything else already?” Johnny asked when Taeyong settled. Taeyong shook his head. “Okay, then I’m going to rinse your hair and then help you wash, is that good?” After receiving confirmation, Johnny scooped up water in the cup sitting on the ledge, placed a hand over Taeyong’s eyes, and poured it over his head. Taeyong wiggled uncomfortably. Johnny stopped immediately, looking at him. Taeyong looked back, seeming not to have realized he did anything. Johnny hesitated for a moment. Then the bag of colorful toys caught Johnny’s eyes. He looked at it for a moment before deciding to try something.

“Do you want one of your animals, Yongie?” Taeyong slowly looked back and forth between Johnny and the bag of toys without saying anything. Johnny bit his lip, then picked up the penguin that had been floating in the bath earlier. “Maybe Mr. Penguin?” he tried again.

This time, his words seemed to have an effect. Taeyong’s hand crept up to Johnny’s and wrapped around the penguin. Johnny gave him a soft smile, which Taeyong half returned before he pulled the toy close and glued his eyes on it. Johnny resumed rinsing Taeyong’s hair and this time Taeyong didn’t make any protests. He wasn’t sure why that worked, but if it distracted Taeyong enough that he was more relaxed and let Johnny wash him, Johnny counted that as a win in his book.

Next, he started using body wash to clean Taeyong’s back, then the rest of his body. _Belle_ started playing after the Moana song and Johnny couldn’t help but sing along, but he kept it quiet. He was afraid if he was too loud right now, Taeyong would start crying again. Taeyong made the penguin dance on the water, fully immersed in his playing. Johnny watched him, wondering. He was dying to know what exactly was going on, but Taeyong seemed too fragile for questions at the moment.

Finally, Johnny finished washing Taeyong, helped him out of the bath, and drained the tub again. He handed the towel to Taeyong once more, but when the other looked at him with wide eyes, Johnny took the hint and started to dry the other. It felt a little awkward, but there was no way he could refuse Taeyong at the moment. _Or any moment, for that matter. He’s just too cute. Ahh, he’s really got me wrapped around his finger, doesn’t he?_

Johnny shook his head. He needed to focus.

He realized that while he had been in his thoughts, he had finished drying Taeyong and had grabbed his pajama top as if to start dressing him. Johnny looked at Taeyong’s expression, saw no discomfort, then proceeded to dress him. He patted Taeyong’s shoulder when he was done.

“All set,” Johnny said quietly.

Taeyong’s eyes looked impossibly huge in the way that was only natural for him--expressive and showing all his anxieties. Johnny stroked Taeyong’s hair, trying to dissuade those worries. He looked over at the drawings on the wall of the tub, then back at Taeyong, contemplating. “Would it be okay if I took a picture of your drawings? It’d be a shame to erase them forever.”

The pacifier bobbed quickly for a moment, a movement that Johnny was starting to connect to Taeyong thinking about things that made him anxious. Then the pink-haired boy nodded shortly. Johnny picked up the tablet, closed the music app, then took a few photos of the drawings. He set the tablet on the vanity and frowned.

“Do I need to scrub that off, or…?” Johnny asked, suddenly fearful that Taeyong had been drawing on the wall with something that wasn’t supposed to be used. But that wouldn’t make sense, Taeyong knows better than to…

Taeyong shook his head, much to the older’s relief. Johnny watched the other pick up a wet washcloth and hand it timidly to him. Johnny looked at the cloth in his hand, looked at the wall, then took a swipe at the drawing. The colors disappeared, for the most part, dribbling and melding together where the wet cloth touched them.

 _Nice_ , he thought, then cleaned up the rest of the wall. The washcloth was a multicolored mess by the end, but he figured it would wash out. Hopefully. He folded the cloth and picked up Taeyong’s tablet.

“Ready for bed?” Johnny asked. Now that the panic was fading (presumably), Taeyong looked very sleepy. He nodded in response to Johnny’s question, then held out his hand. Johnny nearly melted right then and there but took the boy’s hand with a (mostly) composed face. Then he realized Taeyong still had the pacifier in his mouth.

“Uhm, Taeyongie,” Johnny said, desperately wracking his brain to try to figure out how to take the pacifier without making Taeyong sad. “Would… you like me to carry you?”

Taeyong tilted his head, then let go of Johnny’s hand and held out his arms in the universal “up” gesture. Johnny sighed in relief, then picked Taeyong up, still holding the tablet and cloth. The other wrapped his legs around the taller boy’s torso and rested his chin on Johnny’s shoulder.

“And, Yongie, would you turn your face so it’s against my shoulder, that way no one sees your…” the words died in Johnny’s mouth. _Just say it. It’s just a pacifier. A pacifier that an adult man is using, but…_ Thankfully, Taeyong complied without complaint.

Johnny slowly worked his way down the hallway and into their shared bedroom. He was glad that the bedroom door was open, as he didn’t quite have enough arms to open it at the moment if it had been shut. He set Taeyong down on the lower bunk bed, Johnny’s bed. Then he set the tablet and cloth on a dresser, closed and locked the bedroom door, then started changing into his own pajamas. He realized he had forgotten his shirt in the bathroom, but he could grab it in the morning.

Johnny looked up at the top bunk, Taeyong’s bed, then asked, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight?”

Taeyong nodded.

Johnny took a slow breath. The lack of response was starting to worry him. It was like Taeyong was going along with whatever he said as if trying not to anger him. Once again questions arose in Johnny’s mind. But he shouldn’t ask anything tonight. Taeyong’s tears were fresh in his mind and he didn’t think his heart could handle any more of them tonight.

Wordlessly, he rearranged the blankets, tucking Taeyong in so he was against the wall. Briefly, Johnny thought that perhaps he should be the one against the wall, so Taeyong didn’t feel trapped. But he didn’t fancy climbing over and jostling Taeyong in the dark, so he let it be. He turned off the light, then slipped into bed, snuggling next to Taeyong.

“This okay?” Johnny asked.

“Mm.” Taeyong wiggled closer, tucking his head into Johnny’s chest. Johnny gently put an arm around the other, stroking his hair. He hadn’t slept next to Taeyong in forever. This was nice. Perhaps after their talk tomorrow, he’d ask to do this more often. Concern wormed its way into Johnny’s heart, but he pushed it down firmly. That was something he’d worry about in the morning. For now, they would sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and suggestions welcomed and appreciated! Two more chapters are already prewritten, they'll be released weekly, but after that it'll be when I have time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really brief swearing warning. And I guess kink mention? Very very brief and not detailed. Lemme know if anyone wants more warnings.

The first thing Taeyong was aware of was something warm and firm pressed against his forehead. When he woke up a bit more, he recognized that the thing he was pressed against was Johnny’s chest. He hummed and snuggled closer, closing his eyes again. He tried swallowing to get his mouth working for the morning, then winced. His jaw was terribly sore. He clumsily brought a hand up to his jaw, rubbing it, fingers brushing against his mouth while doing so. He stopped, frowning. He had touched something hard that definitely wasn’t his lips, but what was…

Taeyong’s entire body tensed. His eyes shot open to stare at the folds of Johnny’s pajama shirt. The events of last night rushed back into his mind with full force. He nearly started hyperventilating, but some self-preserving part of his brain told him to suck on the pacifier still clamped between his teeth until he calmed down. His jaw ached uncomfortably, but after a moment Taeyong’s breath was relatively normal, even though his heart rate was not.

Tears stung at his eyes. Taeyong let out a frustrated whine. Johnny had _seen_ him, and instead of trying to take the pacifier out and hiding it and maybe, just maybe, trying to formulate a plan to convince Johnny that nothing happened last night, he was panicking and had to calm himself down by the very thing he shouldn’t be using at the moment. He screwed his eyes shut, trying not to cry. _Think. Think think think._

That thought did not help him at all, it only reminded him of a Winnie the Pooh episode he had watched a previous time in headspace. He groaned.

“I am so fucked,” he whispered.

“We must really be fucked if Taeyong’s swearing this early in the morning,” a sleepy voice mumbled. Immediately Taeyong tensed again. _Fuck fuck fuck he_ heard _me._ Johnny shifted away from Taeyong so he could look at him and blinked sleepily. “Wha’s up?”

Taeyong stared back with wide eyes. _Take the pacifier out of your mouth you_ absolute _fool_.

Johnny’s eyes drifted down to the little pink plastic object. He blinked slowly. “Oh, yeah.”

An awkward pause.

“So,” Johnny said, eyes still on the pacifier. “How are you feeling this morning?”

 _How am I-?_ “Wh-what?” Taeyong croaked out. He wasn’t sure what he expected Johnny to say, but it was definitely not that. Maybe a demanded explanation, sure, but a question about his well-being? 

“You were pretty upset last night. I was hoping that some sleep made you feel better.”

Taeyong stared at the elder for a moment before bursting into tears. “Wh-why are you s-so _nice_?” he choked out, pacifier dropping onto the sheets.

Johnny’s mouth gaped open. “Wha- I’m just asking how you’re feeling? I didn’t mean to make you _cry_ , I’m sorry-” he frantically petted Taeyong’s hair, trying to get him to calm down.

“B-b-but you-u di-didn’t even-en _ask_ what’s goin’ on an-an-” a keening whimper escaped Taeyong’s lips. He buried himself into Johnny’s chest, shaking with sobs.

Johnny’s hand caressed the back of Taeyong’s neck. “Of course I want to know what is going on,” he said softly. “But I’m more concerned that you’re okay first.”

Taeyong sniffled loudly.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, gently pressing for an answer.

“No,” Taeyong choked out, his voice embarrassingly high pitched.

“Can you tell me why?”

Taeyong sniffled again and tried to take deep breaths to stop crying. “W-well, I’m s-so stressed late-lately, a-and so ti-ired, an’ I’ve b-b-been do-doing somethi-thing to help but-but-but it’s _weird_ .” He sucked in a shaky breath and pressed his mouth against the side of his hand, teeth pressing against his skin, but not biting. He needed to calm down. He wasn’t making any _sense_ and Johnny probably already thought something was _wrong_ with him.

Johnny gently took his hand away from his teeth, rubbing it softly. Taeyong glanced towards the other’s eyes, then quickly looked down. Johnny’s expression was so soft and understanding that it did things to his heart. 

“Does it help?” Johnny asked.

“Um,” Taeyong said, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. Johnny took that hand too and Taeyong looked up at him and pouted.

Johnny only smiled. “Does this ‘weird’ thing help you?”

“I mean… yeah?” Taeyong said, now looking anywhere but Johnny’s face. “I don’t think- I don’t think it works as well as it should. ‘C-cause I’m hiding it, and that… that kinda makes it hard to do it properly ‘cause I’m afraid someone’s g-gonna find me and I can't relax. But it helps. A ti-tiny bit.”

“And does it harm you? Or anyone else?”

Taeyong furrowed his brow in confusion. “No?”

“Then it sounds okay to me.”

Taeyong looked at Johnny, bewildered. “You don’t even know what _it_ is!”

“I don’t need to know what _it_ is, as long as it helps you. If you don’t tell me anything about last night, I don’t care, as long as you promise me that you’ll be alright.”

Taeyong’s bottom lip jutted out as he tried not to start crying again. He pressed his face against Johnny’s chest. “What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?”

“Something terrible, I think,” Johnny replied teasingly. Despite himself, Taeyong let out a little laugh. They were silent for a moment, comfortably silent. Then Johnny spoke up again.

“I don’t mind not knowing if you don’t want to tell. But if you’re willing, I would like to know what you’re doing that’s so ‘weird’.”

Taeyong thought for a moment, then exhaled. “I think- I think I do want to tell you,” he whispered. Johnny hugged him closer, wordlessly encouraging him. 

“W-well, I found this video…”

~♥~

“I’ve got to talk to the manager for a second, but if you two want to check the schedule, it’s under my email… you know my password, it’s-”

“Ten-hyung’s birthday, 9627, we know hyung,” Chenle said. Taeyong gave him a sheepish smile, handed him his phone, and left the room. Chenle flopped on the couch next to Renjun. Today they were visiting the 127 dorm, hanging out with their hyungs during their free day. Or at least, what they _thought_ was their free day. Taeyong told them when they arrived that he thought there was a Dream schedule in the afternoon, so he had given them his phone to check.

“You’d think he’d pick a better password than his boyfriend’s birthday,” Renjun snarked. “Anyone could easily hack his phone.”

“Anyone who knows that they’re dating, you mean,” Chenle replied, typing in the password. It wasn’t actually open knowledge to all of the NCT members that Taeyong and Ten were dating. But they were so _painfully_ obvious off-camera that it was hard not to notice. That, and maybe Jisung had caught them making out in the entrance hallway of the Dream dorm. Poor kid.

“Ugh, of course he has a cute couple selfie as his background. Let’s see… email, email. Where are you…” Chenle swiped through the phone pages. “Why does he have so many apps?”

“You know you could probably just search for-- wait, what’s that?” Renjun stilled Chenle’s hand.

“What?”

“Is that _tumblr_ ?” Renjun asked, pointing to the conspicuous blue app. He exchanged a glance with Chenle. They both had the same train of thought: they were very curious about why _tumblr_ was on Taeyong’s phone.

“We shouldn’t look, that’s definitely invading his privacy-”

“Oh come on, he’s probably just following a bunch of fan accounts,” Renjun said. Chenle gave him an uncomfortable look. “Look, if there’s something private there then we’ll close it and pretend it never happened.”

“Okay, but if we get caught I’ll blame you as a bad influence, _hyung_.”

Renjun scoffed. He took the phone and tapped on the app. The loading symbol swirled for a moment, then the first post popped up.

“ _Awee_ ,” Chenle cooed. A soft looking bunny plushie in a satin ballet dress peeked at them in a photo. At the bottom of the screen where the menu was, he spied a number counter next to a chat icon. It read _23_. “Looks like someone talks to him a lot.”

Renjun hummed and scrolled a little. Then a little more. His eyebrows rose higher and higher. “ _Um_ ,” he said. “Why is all of this… kid’s stuff? And most of these posts are in English?”

“Maaaaybe he’s preparing to have kids in the future? And this is like an aesthetic account?” Chenle suggested. “Go to his blog, maybe it says something there.”

“How do I-” Renjun blinked when Chenle tapped the screen, changing it to Taeyong’s blog. He looked suspiciously at the younger. “How do you know how to use tumblr?”

Chenle shrugged with a grin. He turned his focus to the blog description. It read:

|SFW|Age Regression|Big Age: 22|Little Age: 4-8|

“What-” Renjun looked at Chenle, who looked equally confused. Renjun went to scroll through Taeyong’s blog, but Chenle stopped him.

“Let’s just look for our schedule. We’ve seen enough.”

Renjun bit his lip. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” That didn’t stop him from taking out his own phone and taking a picture of the profile. When Chenle gave him a look, he said, “It’s just for future reference. Just in case.”  

~♥~

“You looked through Taeyong-hyung’s _phone_?” Jaemin asked incredulously. He sat up on the couch, turning to stare at Renjun and Chenle. 

It turned out that the dreamies did not have a schedule that afternoon. After hanging out with the hyungs, Renjun and Chenle returned to their dorm for the evening. Donghyuck and Mark had an early morning 127 schedule the next day, so they were sleeping over in the other dorm. Now the rest of the dreamies were hanging out in the living room, talking about their day. Just a moment ago, Jisung had jokingly asked if Chenle and Renjun had found any incriminating evidence on Taeyong’s phone, which lead to the current conversation… 

“No, he told us to look for our schedules in his email and we saw the app and… we were curious,” Renjun said, trailing off guiltily.

“We just wanted to see what his profile was called. We didn’t look at his messages or any of his posts,” Chenle added.

Jeno was frowning. “What you did is still wrong and you both know it.”

“I’m sorry.” Renjun hung his head.

“Me too,” Chenle said, picking at his fingernails nervously.

Jeno sighed. “Just don’t do it again.”

“What’s age regression anyways?” Jisung asked. Everyone looked at each other, clueless.

Jaemin pulled out his phone. “Well, that’s what google is for. I hope it’s not some kinky thing, I don’t want to know what hyung does with Ten-hyung.”

Jeno smacked Jaemin’s arm. “There are children present!”

“You’re a child,” Jaemin retorted. “Aha, Wikipedia. ‘Age regression in therapy. Age regression in therapy is a technique in a psycho-therapeutic process that facilitates access to childhood memories, thoughts, and feelings.”

Below the blurb were suggested YouTube videos that contained words like “little”, “big”, “little space”, “ageplay” and “age regression.”

Jaemin blinked, tapping the screen to search further.

“Why would he need therapy to remember his childhood? Does he have memory loss or brain trauma or something?” Jisung asked.

“Shh. I’m looking,” Jaemin replied. After a few moments of reading, he looked up, looking troubled. “I think… it’s not just remembering your childhood. It’s reliving it. Like, it says here that you can trigger memories that cause the person to mentally regress to a certain age, along with their motor skills. Like to a point that someone would have to help the person eat and use the toilet.”

The others looked at him with wide eyes. Finally, Jeno asked, “Why would anyone want that?”

The unspoken question was clear. _Why would Taeyong-hyung want that?_

Jaemin read some more before saying, “It’s to ‘reframe negative feelings and perceptions of the past to facilitate progress towards the patient’s goals.”

Jisung frowned, thinking. “But Taeyongie-hyung didn’t have a traumatic childhood? He loves his parents and he’s never said anything bad about his childhood…”

“Well, maybe he doesn’t like to talk about it,” Jeno replied.

“Actually…” Everyone looked towards Jaemin. “Maybe Wikipedia’s version isn’t correct. I’m on a different website and it says that age regression is when somebody reverts to a child-like state of mind, often a coping mechanism for things like PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.”

“He _is_ kinda stressed,” Chenle murmured.

“Mm,” Jaemin agreed, then continued reading, “Basically age regressors are more at peace and worry-free whilst in “little space” which is a term for when one is in said mindset. These people simply need breaks from the stress of being old-”

“Old man Taeyong-hyung,” Renjun snickered.

“-and often have a childish personality outside of regression… Contrary to popular belief, age regression is _not_ a kink.”

“Oh thank God,” Jeno said, putting a hand over his heart.

“-some age regressors refer to themselves as littles and to their significant other as “Daddy”, “Mommy”, or just as their Caregiver since they typically take care of their little as if they’re an actual child,” Jaemin finished.

“Well that explanation makes more sense with what we saw,” Renjun said. “His blog description said ‘little age 4-8’.”

“Omergosh, does that mean he regresses between 4 and 8 years old?” Chenle asked, looking excited.

“Wait, wait, that website said that the little’s signif would take care of them. Does that mean Ten-hyung…?” Jeno trailed off.

“Ten-hyung?” Jisung asked skeptically. They all were in unspoken agreement. Ten didn’t seem the type of person to take care like that.

“Well, who else would it be?” Chenle asked.

After thinking for a moment, Jaemin suggested, “Maybe Johnny-hyung? Or Doyoung-hyung?”

“I’m not sure about Doyoung-hyung, he’s always fighting or messing around with Taeyong-hyung,” Jeno said.

“I wonder if it helps,” Renjun said quietly. The others turned to look at him. “I mean, if Taeyong is so stressed that he needs someone to take care of him like that… I hope it helps him.”

A somber silence fell upon the group.

“Maybe... “ Everyone looked at Jisung, who had just spoken. “Maybe we can do something for Taeyong-hyung. Like make him a gift to show him that we care for him, to cheer him up.”

Jaemin cooed and reached over to pull the younger into a crushing hug, who cried out in disgust. “Our thoughtful maknae, that sounds like a wonderful idea~!” Jisung mouthed “help me” towards the others, who only grinned in response. Eventually, Jeno took pity on him.

“Okay, that’s enough. Come on Nana, let’s not smother him too much.”

~♥~

“Doyoung, your eggs are burning.”

Doyoung jerked out of his thoughts and whipped around. Sure enough, smoke was rising from the frying pan. He cursed, turned on the vent above the stove, and took the eggs and grumpily scraped them into the garbage. Jaehyun watched him from where he was leaning against the kitchen counter.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked eventually.

Doyoung gave him a confused glance. “What do you mean?”

“You’re lost in your thoughts.”

“Mm.” Doyoung set about restarting the eggs. He offered a half smile towards Jaehyun. “Nothing’s wrong really.”

“...but?” Jaehyun prompted.

Doyoung hummed, poking at meat in another pot. “Taeyong and Johnny were… off… today.”

“Oh?”

“Taeyong was avoiding Johnny? And Johnny kept looking at him when he wasn’t looking.”

“Maybe they had a fight?”

Doyoung pursed his lips. “I don’t think so? They weren’t… angry with each other. If anything, Taeyong seemed embarrassed, and Johnny seemed concerned. Like… Taeyong accidentally knocked over his bag today and Johnny picked it up for him, and Taeyong seemed really grateful? And then he went back to avoiding Johnny like the plague.”

Jaehyun shrugged. “Well, it’s only been today. If it goes on for too long, then we can always ask, you know?”

“Yeah,” Doyoung sighed. Jaehyun smiled fondly. He stood up and walked close to the other, placing his hands on Doyoung’s hips.

“It’ll be okay,” Jaehyun said, pressing a light kiss to Doyoung’s lips. Doyoung offered a shy smile, blushing slightly.

“Manager-hyung is in the dorm tonight, he could walk in any time,” Doyoung said, words scolding even though his tone was without bite.

“Mm,” Jaehyun kissed him again. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Doyoung narrowed his eyes at Jaehyun but kissed him back anyway.

“You are trouble, Mr. Jung.”

“But you like it.”

“Hmph. My eggs are going to burn again.”

“That’s okay.”

“Jaeee,” Doyoung whined, pushing Jaehyun away. Jaehyun laughed but let go.

“Love you,” Jaehyun said cutely, his eyes soft.

Doyoung pouted, but still said back with an equally soft tone, “Love you too.”

“Your chicken is burning.”

“Shut UP!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sets some important groundwork for the story to branch off to where it needs to go. Regression will be seen in the next chapter ^.^ Suggestions and requests are welcomed, especially if you guys have ideas for what you want to see regressors do and who you want to see regress in the future. Thanks for reading <3


	3. Chapter 3

_“Cg”. What does “cg” mean?_  Johnny wondered.

He was scrolling through the blog that Taeyong had told him about. The blog that Taeyong said was his own, for _age regression_. There were many pictures of cute stuffed animals, positive writings that were often themed on self-love, and pictures of vintage toys. One might have mistaken the blog for a cute aesthetic space, but there were posts that indicated otherwise. A few posts titled “What kind of little are you?”, a post on pacifier sizes, pictures of children’s lunches with captions like “a little day at home!”, and more.

It took a while, but after looking through a post explaining regression communities’ acronyms, Johnny discovered that “cg” meant “caregiver”. He connected the term to when he had seen other _littles_ on the website talk about their mommies and daddies and other caretakers. Johnny sat back against the bedroom wall, stretching his legs out along his mattress. He set his phone to the side, trying to process all the information he had just seen.

From what he gathered, age regression was a harmless coping mechanism. And a cute one, at that. He could see why Taeyong had been embarrassed; it wasn’t necessarily common for an adult to use a pacifier and other items generally meant for children. _Young_ children. But it wasn’t _unheard_ of, judging by the amount of information online.

Johnny thought about what Taeyong had told him, that it was difficult to do--to _regress_ , Johnny’s mind supplied--because he was afraid of being discovered. Maybe he could help? Johnny could keep a lookout so that Taeyong wouldn’t have to worry about being walked in on while he was regressed. Maybe then, Taeyong could find relief from the stress that was becoming more and more noticeable.

He bit his lip. If Johnny was honest with himself, he wanted to do more than just keep watch. He wanted to see Taeyong regress. Once the thought passed through his mind, his cheeks tinted. This was Taeyong’s private activity. Johnny shouldn’t interfere. But when he saw all those posts about littles talking about their caregivers, how safe and happy they made their littles feel, it sparked his desire to be a part of that. 

Just the thought of Taeyong being happy because of someone taking care of him made Johnny smile. He wanted to see Taeyong be more relaxed. Taeyong always seemed so _worried_ all the time. Worried about the band, worried about the company, worried about what others thought. A break from all that anxiety would be good for him. But would Taeyong even want a caregiver?

Johnny picked up his phone and sent Taeyong a text, asking if he would come to their bedroom to talk. After Taeyong’s explanation of regression, he hadn’t been able to really talk to the younger. While they had been busy with a schedule that afternoon after the explanation, it was now the afternoon of the next day, and he was pretty sure that Taeyong had been avoiding him on purpose. Johnny hadn’t pushed it, but every time the younger avoided his gaze, his heart panged painfully.

Johnny was used to seeing Taeyong anxious. But Johnny wasn’t used to seeing that anxiety directed towards himself. 

He heard a creak and looked up. The door opened slightly, two large brown eyes appearing in the crack. “You wanted to talk to me?” Taeyong asked, voice timid.

Johnny offered him a warm smile. “Yes, but I think it might be a bit difficult to talk through a door. C’mere, I won’t bite.”

Taeyong came inside their room, shutting the door behind him. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room until Johnny scooted over and patted the spot next to him. Reluctantly, Taeyong plopped down where Johnny had indicated. His hand crept up to fiddle with one of his earrings as he stared at Johnny, nervousness evident.

“Hey, so I looked at your blog. I thought it was cute. I’m glad you’ve found a way to manage your stress.” Taeyong wiggled his foot against the side of the bed, not seeming to know what to do with the praise. Johnny continued, “I had a few questions, and I wondered if you would be comfortable answering them?”

Taeyong wet his lips, but this didn’t stop his voice from cracking when he answered. “Oh-kay.”

Johnny decided to start with one of the simplest questions. “Would you be comfortable with me standing guard when you regress? That way you wouldn’t have to worry about being discovered, and you could relax more.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “I-I--you would--I mean, you don’t have to.”

Johnny smiled and gently punched Taeyong’s knee. “Silly, I want to. If that means you’ll be less stressed, I’ll be much happier.”

Taeyong blinked rapidly, eyes looking suspiciously wet. “Okay. I would… like that.”

Johnny’s smile widened. “Okay, that’s good!” His smile fell suddenly, his face becoming more thoughtful. He wanted to ask about caregiving, but he didn’t want to spring it on Taeyong so suddenly. “I, uh. Hm. How do I say this? Would you… may I ask what you _do_ when you regress?”

Taeyong gaze flicked down to stare intently at the sheets. “What do you mean?”

Johnny tilted his head. “I mean, I saw some pictures of coloring books and--” he suddenly sat up, excited. “Oh! And the cute little lunches and the stuffed animals! I kinda want to make some of those foods and feed them to you and help you with your socks and take care of you!”

Taeyong’s mouth parted in surprise. Johnny’s expression became shocked, realizing he had said exactly what he hadn’t _meant_ to say. He attempted to backtrack.

“I mean--if this is something you want to do alone that’s totally fine! I didn’t mean to ask to be your--to be...that.”

“You... want to be my caregiver?” Taeyong’s face was rapidly becoming a very dark shade of pink.

“I... well, yes, but that’s totally overstepping your boundaries and I should have never have asked that so soon--”

 “Johnny!”

Johnny stopped mid-ramble and looked at Taeyong, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah?”

Taeyong’s eyes searched Johnny’s face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. “I… don’t really know anything about what a caregiver is... supposed to do. But sometimes I have trouble doing things when I’m… whenImlittle, and I… yes I want you to be my caregiver.” His face became impossibly redder. “Please.”

Johnny took a moment to process what Taeyong had said before breaking out into a huge smile. 

~♥~

Renjun sat quietly on Jeno’s bed, playing with the arms of his Moomin plushie. He listened to the discussion Jaemin and Jeno were having on Jungwoo’s bed, whose owner was in the hyung’s dorm for the night. The three of them had further researched age regression and now they were talking about it together. The discussion was making him highly uncomfortable, although the reason as for _why_ it was doing so was unknown, even to himself.

“It’s almost like an extreme form of aegyo,” Jaemin remarked. “I don’t really understand how it’s supposed to be relaxing, everyone cringes at the slightest bit of aegyo.”

“ _Nana_ , it’s not like that at _all_. It’s more like letting your natural aegyo shine through. Jungwoo-hyung is kinda like that, everyone thinks he’s cute ‘cause he acts cute, it’s part of his personality.”

“Like Injunnie, hm?” Jaemin smirked. “He’s full of natural cuteness.” 

“Yeah, you’re right. You could always try it, Renjun,” Jeno joked.

Renjun swallowed, his hands stilling. He didn’t look up, didn’t respond as discomfort churned in his stomach.

Immediately Jeno noticed the mood shift. “Hey… you _could_ try regressing if you wanted to,” he said gently.

“We don’t even know if it works,” Renjun said in an attempt to sound dismissive, but his tone was more on the edge of embarrassed. Jeno and Jaemin exchanged a look, then started to take a more serious approach.

“We could ask Taeyong-hyung about it,” Jaemin suggested.

“I--I still feel really guilty about looking through his phone. I wouldn’t want to…”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t try it without asking him. There’s plenty of information on the internet, and I doubt Taeyong-hyung had someone tell him about it when or if he started regressing.”

Renjun started whining. “Come on guys, don’t joke about this.”

“Renjunnie,” Jaemin said, so softly that Renjun was almost unsure if he had actually spoken. Unbiddenly, he looked up and saw Jaemin watching him with gentle eyes. “We’re not joking.”

Renjun noticed that at some point during the conversation, his hand had snaked its way to his mouth, where he was chewing on his fingernails nervously. But now that he noticed, he couldn’t quite bring himself to stop. “What are you suggesting?”

Jaemin tsked, seeming to realize what Renjun was doing at the same moment, then got up and removed Renjun’s fingers from his teeth. “For one thing, maybe you should get a pacifier and stop chewing on your nails.” 

Renjun whined at Jaemin’s actions. He was _nervous_ , okay? That didn’t mean he needed a _pacifier_.

Jeno gave Jaemin a warning look before speaking up. “We could watch some cartoons and do some coloring. Something simple.”

“‘We’? What, are you going to try regressing too?”

“No, Nana and I are going to be your caregivers.”

“Wha-” Renjun looked at Jeno in disbelief. “Not all littles have caregivers!”

“No, but from what I’ve seen, they feel more comfortable and can regress easier when they _do_ have caregivers.”

Renjun switched subjects. “We don’t have any coloring books.”

“We can go buy some,” Jaemin said.

Renjun looked back and forth between the pair. He was running out of arguments and both of them were _stubborn_. However, one thing in particular was bothering him still.

 “You’re both...I mean, isn’t it weird to...as my boyfriends...you’re not going to see me any differently?”

“No, Injunnie, never. Not for something like this,” Jaemin assured, placing a hand on Renjun’s thigh.

“Maybe it’ll help relieve some stress,” Jeno added.

“I… I don’t even know why I want to do this,” Renjun admitted quietly. “I mean, I’m stressed as anybody is, but this… this is something…”

“Well, you must have found some connection to it, even if you don’t understand what that connection is. Maybe you’ll understand it better if you try it,” Jeno suggested. Renjun hummed in response, mulling it over. Jaemin patted his leg, then stood up.

“Alright, let’s go get a coloring book!” he said, a determined look on his features. Renjun pulled a face.

“We are _not_ going for a convenience store trip at 10 at night.”

~♥~

Renjun’s heart hammered in his chest. He couldn’t believe they were actually doing this. They were buying stuff to do something they barely knew anything about. How did he get stuck with being the one who would regress anyways? Why were they doing this in the first place?

The convenience store’s baby aisle stared menacingly at him. Brightly colored objects lined the shelves, drawing the attention of his eyes unwillingly. Renjun flinched when he felt a hand placed on his shoulder, but with a quick glance, he saw it was just Jaemin.

“Why don’t you pick out one pack of pacifiers and one pack of sippy cups,” Jaemin told him. Renjun stared back at him with wide eyes, feeling overwhelmed. Jaemin seemed to notice this and tried to direct his focus. “It’s okay. Look at the ones with ‘18-36 months’ on the packaging, those seem to be the oldest age group, so they’re probably the biggest and fit your mouth better. See if there’s any design you like. I’ll look at sippy cups, okay?”

Renjun whispered frantically, “What if someone sees us?”

“If they ask, we can say it’s a present for a baby cousin or something,” Jeno said from behind him. 

Renjun turned to see him holding the shopping basket, which contained the coloring books (Frozen, Spiderman, and one with puppies from a show they didn’t recognize), a box of 24 crayons, a set of 12 colored pencils, and a bottle of apple juice. Renjun had already been mortified just from picking out the coloring books, now he was pretty sure his soul had left his body at the prospect of choosing _pacifiers_. He was about to protest again, but Jaemin nudged his back with something sharp and plastic.

“Do you like either of these?” Jaemin asked. Renjun turned to see that in each of his hands was a two-pack of sippy cups. The one set had a blue cup and a green cup, with a cartoon rhino and snake respectively printed on each. The other set had two blue cups, one with a sleepy star on it, the other with a rocket ship blasting off and the words “Dream Big” written underneath. Renjun reluctantly pointed towards the pack with the stars and the ship, looking away.

Jaemin cooed. “That’s perfect! There’s even a matching paci set!” He hung the animal sippy cups back up and pulled down the said pacifier set. The two pacifiers were dark blue, with colorful stars on the shield. On each button was a different design: one had a smiling star character while the other had the words “My Little Star” printed on it.

Renjun blushed furiously. “Can we please leave now?” he squeaked.

They checked out, Jaemin paying for the items while Jeno and Renjun waited at the store’s entrance. Jeno was holding Renjun’s hand as if to keep him from running away. Renjun felt that it was probably a necessary action, with the amount of embarrassment coursing through his body.

~♥~

Renjun brought the spout of the sippy cup to his lips, sucked, then stopped, frowning. Nothing had come out. He tried again, sucking harder. Again, nothing. He held it away from him, inspecting it. Maybe the lid wasn’t on properly? He unscrewed the lid, then carefully put it back on and tried drinking once more. He made a frustrated noise when nothing happened.

Jaemin looked up from the page he was coloring. “What’s wrong Injunnie?”

Renjun huffed. “It’s not working.”

“Let me see, baby.” Jaemin took the cup and fiddled with the lid, then handed it back. Renjun’s face grew hot when Jaemin didn’t go back to his coloring, watching him instead. He tried ignoring him and attempted to drink again. Nothing came out, but while he was more focused on Jaemin watching him, he instinctively tilted the cup up, and juice flowed into his mouth. Surprised, he looked at the cup, going cross-eyed.

Jeno giggled softly, causing Renjun to quickly put the cup down. He grabbed his Moomin plushie and tried to focus on watching the cartoon pulled up on Jaemin’s laptop, which was also Moomin, as per request. But the self-consciousness was making his skin crawl, distracting him. After a moment he sighed harshly and buried his face in his plushie.

“Injunnie-ah,” Jeno called. Renjun peeked at him over the top of Moomin’s head. Jeno was holding out the box of crayons. “What color would you like next?”

Renjun looked down at his coloring book. He had the Frozen one, which was flipped open to a picture of Anna feeding Sven. Sven was mostly colored, but Anna only had her hair and face done. He should probably work on the dress next. He knew that Jeno was trying to distract him, to get him to regress, but that fact wasn’t as important as choosing the next color. He searched the box and pulled out what he hoped was red-violet.

“Good choice baby,” Jaemin said, ruffling Renjun’s hair. Renjun whined at the nickname, but soon became focused on the picture. After a few minutes, when he had finished the skirt, he realized he was still thirsty. He stared at the sippy cup, then looked at Jaemin, then Jeno. Both were coloring their own pictures, ignoring him. Well, Jeno was coloring. Jaemin was on his phone with a half-colored Spider-man in front of him.

But neither of them were paying any attention to him. Which made it easier for him to curl his fingers around the starry sippy cup, and drink. He leaned back against the side of Jeno’s bunk bed and let his mind drift. They were all sitting on the floor, a few blankets and pillows made into a comfy nest to lie on. It felt like one of the pictures online of littles’ spaces had come to life.

The only problem was, Renjun didn’t _feel_ little. He wasn’t even really sure what “feeling little” was supposed to, well, feel like. Sure, he had read the definitions, he knew that littles felt more relaxed and childlike when regressed. But, despite the cartoons and the coloring and even the sippy cup, he didn’t feel any different than he normally did.

Maybe it just didn’t work for him?

A loud slurping noise jolted Renjun out of his thoughts. He realized that he had drunk all of the apple juice and was just sucking air. He stared at the cup for a moment before deciding to speak up and call the attention of his boyfriends.

“Guys, I don’t think this is working.”

Jeno looked up from his puppy picture. “Yeah? What do you mean?”

Renjun exhaled loudly. “Like, I don’t feel any different. Just kind of uncomfortable and embarrassed.”

Jaemin hummed and asked thoughtfully, “What exactly were you looking to get out of regressing? Like, what did you expect to happen?” He was still looking at his phone, but his questions were sincere.

Renjun frowned. “I guess… I guess I expected my brain to just switch to thinking like a child? But I keep thinking about what you guys are thinking about me and I just don’t feel any different.” He cut Jeno off, who looked about to protest. “I know, you guys aren’t thinking anything bad. But like, I get the feeling...like you’re judging me? Like this is a joke.” Renjun looked down. “It feels like a joke. I don’t think I’m able to do this.”

Jaemin sighed and put down his phone. He came over to Renjun and placed his hands on the boy’s wrists. “I get what you’re saying. But I think I know why you’re feeling like this, and I think that you can still regress. Will you hear me out?”

“Okay?”

“There’s two problems. The first is that Jeno and I haven’t been trying to be caregivers, like we said we would. I think that’s not helping you regress, and I’m sorry for that. The second is, I think that we’ve all been going about this the wrong way. To try to regress, you were trying to let it happen naturally, right? Like those posts talking about how cartoons and other stuff make a person feel little.”

Renjun nodded slowly, not quite following.

“I think those kinds of posts are more directed to littles who have already been regressing for a while. Maybe, we should try to actively put you into headspace. Treat you like a child until you start feeling like one. Does that make sense?”

Renjun thought about it, then nodded hesitantly. “I’m still kind of worried about… I don’t want to lose control? Like if I said no to something, I don’t want you guys to ignore that because I’d be too ‘young’ to make decisions.”

Jeno spoke up. “I totally get that, the worry. But you shouldn’t have to worry about that, because, child or not, we’ll always respect your decisions. Unless, like, you try to do something that could hurt yourself, like you start playing with scissors or something.”

“Thank you for telling us that,” Jaemin added. “That helps a lot. Now, are you sure you still want to do this? We could always do it another time, or even stop altogether.”

“Uhm…” Renjun said.

“Remember, this is to help you relax. If you don’t think it’s going to work, we can find something else to do,” Jaemin said.

“I want to try again. Tonight, I mean. We’ve still got a bit of time left before bed,” Renjun decided.

“Okay then,” Jaemin said in a bright tone. He put his phone in his pocket, walked over to sit closer to Renjun, then pulled him onto his lap. Renjun yelped and his cheeks flamed. “How ‘bout we color something together while Jen-hyung refills your sippy, hm?”

Jeno pouted at him, not wanting to leave, but grabbed the mug they were using to discreetly transfer juice from the kitchen, and left. Jaemin started speaking when the door closed.

“Do you still want your Frozen coloring book, sweetie?” Jaemin asked, bouncing Renjun on his lap. Renjun felt slightly off kilter from the action.

“Mm--mhm.”

“Words please, baby.”

“Y-yes please,” Renjun’s head whirled at the sudden attention.

“Thank you baby boy. Jaemin-hyung’s going to turn through the pages, you just let me know when you see something you want to color, okay?”

“Okay.” Renjun settled against Jaemin’s chest, watching as he flicked through the pages. Something caught his eye. He held out his hand to stop the page turning.

“See something you like, baby?” Jaemin asked.

Renjun pointed to the picture on the right, which had Elsa with her hands outstretched, snowflakes shooting from her palms. “This one.”

“Good choice baby.” Jaemin reached for the box of crayons and fiddled with the lid, trying to open it with one hand while his other was occupied by the coloring book.

“She’s pretty,” Renjun whispered. Then he realized what he said and blushed. _Why had he said that?_

Jaemin simply hummed in agreement. “Would you pick out a color for me, aegi?”

Renjun took the now-opened box in his hands and pulled out the peach-colored crayon, handing it to Jaemin. He took a sky blue color out for himself. Jaemin steadied the page with one hand and hovered his crayon over the dress.

“Do you want me to color here?” he asked, voice teasing.

Renjun found himself naturally playing along. He _knew_ that Jaemin knew where to color, but instead he whined, “Nooo, not there.”

“Here?” Jaemin’s hand hovered over the snowflakes.

“Uh-uh.”

“Here?” This time he hovered over the ice castle’s doors.

“Nanaaaaa,” Renjun whined. Jaemin laughed and pressed a kiss to the back of his head.

“What about here?” Jaemin finally rested the crayon on Elsa’s face.

“Mhm.” Renjun eyed Jaemin’s hand suspiciously, but when Jaemin started coloring in the correct spot, he relaxed and started coloring the folds of the dress’s skirt. His body felt kind of fuzzy, in a good way. He wasn’t sure what the feeling was, but coloring was more important right now. After a few minutes, he stopped thinking about how he was supposed to regress or what others might think. Jaemin’s body pressed to his own grounded him in a gentle reminder that he was safe, and that no judgement would be directed towards him. Finally, his mind quieted and he let himself go.

 Jeno entered the room quietly, re-locking the door behind him. He came over to sit next to the two working on their picture.

“Whatcha coloring?” he asked, chin resting on Jaemin’s shoulder.

“Elsa,” was Renjun’s simple reply. He was very focused.

Jeno raised an eyebrow at Jaemin, who gave him a smile. They both seemed to notice Renjun was acting slightly different. Jeno mouthed “What did you do?” to which Jaemin replied with a shrug and a smirk. Jeno looked at him for a moment, but seeing no further answers coming he sighed and spoke to Renjun again.

“It looks very pretty, baby.”

Renjun gave him a shy smile. “Thank you.”

Jeno watched them for a moment, then asked, “Can hyung pick a color?”

“Okay,” Renjun said. His voice was slightly higher pitched, as if he was doing aegyo. Renjun didn’t seem to notice the difference, but Jeno’s eyes crinkled happily. It seemed that the night wasn’t a waste after all. Not that it would have been a total loss of Renjun didn’t regress. Jeno liked coloring and cuddling with his boyfriends.

He picked out a purple crayon and held it out to Renjun. “What about this for the floor?” Renjun eyed it before nodding. He moved his arm slightly to allow Jeno room to color, and Jeno joined in.

By the time they finished the picture, Renjun was yawning. Jeno offered him his sippy cup, which he took and started drinking without complaint. Renjun was pressed snuggly into Jaemin’s chest and his eyes were drooping. Jeno started gathering up their coloring supplies, putting them under the clothes in the lower drawer of his dresser. He also shut down Jaemin’s laptop. When he finished, he found Renjun had finished his juice and had his eyes closed. Jaemin was fondly watching him.

“Guess it’s bedtime,” Jeno whispered. Without the background noise of the cartoon, it was very quiet, which warranted whispering. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was only 11:30. They were used to going to bed much later, but Jeno thought that perhaps trying to regress had taken a toll on Renjun. That, or if he really _was_ regressed, perhaps he became tired more quickly in that state.

Jaemin lifted Renjun up, laying him on Jungwoo’s bed. Renjun whined and his eyes fluttered open.

“It’s okay baby, I’m just tucking you in,” Jaemin said softly. He moved to pull the covers over the sleepy boy, but Renjun whined again and pushed away his hands. Jaemin tilted his head in confusion.

“Nee’ the baf’oom,” Renjun mumbled, trying to get up.

“Oh okay, do you want someone to go with you?” Jaemin asked. Internally he was squealing at the further regression of Renjun’s voice.

Renjun pouted. “I don’ nee’ help.”

“I think Nana just meant that maybe you wanted someone to walk you to the bathroom and stand outside the door,” Jeno mediated.

“Oh,” Renjun said, blinking sleepily. “Okay.” He got out of bed and held his hand out towards Jeno. Jeno’s eyes widened in surprise, but he took the hand and led him out the door and to the bathroom. Jeno watched Renjun enter the bathroom, fumbling with the doorknob for a bit before getting it to close. After Renjun did his business and came back out into the hallway, Jeno found himself automatically asking, as if he were speaking to a small child:

“Did you wash your hands?”

Jeno’s ears turned red, but Renjun only looked at him, then shook his head.

“Fo’got.” He turned and went back inside. Jeno watched him curiously. _He really must be little_. Jeno thought. _I don’t understand how someone could forget to wash their hands if they weren’t..._ He heard the water from the sink shut off, then Renjun appeared and took his hand once again. This time it was cold and wet; he must not have dried his hands properly. But Jeno was very soft for Renjun with how he was acting at the moment, so he let it slide.

When they came back into the bedroom, they saw that Jaemin had cleaned up the blankets and pillows on the floor, and had placed Renjun’s Moomin plushie on Jungwoo’s pillow. He sat on the bed, staring at something in his hands. Jaemin looked up when they entered the room.

“Ready for bed baby?” Jaemin asked softly. Renjun nodded, letting go of Jeno’s head and climbing into bed. Jaemin smiled at him and tucked him in snuggly.

“Hyung sleep wi’ me?” Renjun asked, eyes already closing.

“Sure aegi. Do you want Jeno-hyung or me?” Jaemin asked. Renjun pouted and glared at him. He was too tired to make decisions right now.

“It’s okay, you can. I like to stretch out,” Jeno said. He went over to the light, waiting for Jaemin to get under the covers before he would turn it off. Renjun’s face relaxed, happy that he didn’t have to make a decision.

“One more question, Injunnie,” Jaemin said. Renjun looked at him curiously. “Do you want to try your paci to sleep?”

Jaemin opened his hand, revealing the pacifier that said “My little star”. Renjun stared at it for a moment before opening his mouth in silent request. Jaemin put it in his mouth, petting his hair. Renjun sucked on the pacifier slowly, eyes drooping again. Jaemin pressed a kiss to his forehead, then snuggled into his side. Jeno flicked the light switch and got into bed.

“Night Nana. Night baby,” he said quietly.

“G’night,” Jaemin replied.

“Ni’ ni’,” Renjun said.

Slowly, comfortably, they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! It means the world to me ^.^  
> Suggestions and requests welcome!  
> Little Taeyong coming next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Ten let out a small ‘oof’ when a body suddenly climbed on top of him. He looked away from scrolling through his phone to find fluffy pink hair in his face. He smiled and started to thread his fingers through the hair, resulting in a muffled groan from the person whose face was buried in his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he asked fondly. The head moved, revealing Taeyong’s pouting face. Ten continued petting Taeyong’s hair. “Hmm?”

Taeyong huffed and planted his face back in Ten’s chest. He mumbled something incomprehensible into Ten’s shirt. Ten poked him. “I can’t understand you like that.”

Taeyong lifted his face briefly to speak more clearly. “Johnny.” Then his face disappeared back into Ten’s shirt.

Suprised, Ten asked, “Johnny?” When no response was given, he poked Taeyong again. “What’s wrong with Johnny?”

Taeyong didn’t respond for a moment, but after a few more pokes from Ten, he growled and looked up at his boyfriend. He didn’t look actually angry, however. They stared at each other like that for a minute, then Taeyong sighed and answered Ten.

“I’m supposed to do something with him later and I’m nervous.” Taeyong’s forehead hit Ten’s chest with a thump.

“Something?” Ten echoed, confused. Taeyong whined, turning his head to the side so he could speak but still be pressed against Ten’s body.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Ten whined back to him, “Why not?”

“‘Cause--‘cause it’s embarrassing.”

This only intrigued Ten more. “What’s so embarrassing that you can’t tell me?”

Taeyong huffed and rolled off Ten until his feet hit the floor, starting for the door. Ten sat up and caught Taeyong’s wrist, alarmed. “Hey, I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me.”

Taeyong turned to face Ten, pouting again. He fidgeted with his earring with a free hand.

“I just thought... if you talked about it you would feel better,” Ten said seriously. Then he cracked a grin. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m dying from curiosity. But I won’t push.”

Taeyong looked at him for a moment before sighing and sitting back down. He leaned against Ten’s shoulder, interlacing his fingers with Ten’s and playing with them absently. After a moment, he spoke up quietly. “He found out something about me on accident, something private that I do. He--he offered to watch me do this...thing...so that I’d feel more comfortable while doing it.” He inhaled and turned his face to press against Ten’s shoulder, his lips tracing words into Ten’s skin. 

“I’m so nervous. And I keep feeling guilty because I don’t feel comfortable telling you, even though you’re my boyfriend, but I’m not even comfortable with him knowing so I know I shouldn’t feel guilty because it’s my private thing, but I just--” he broke off, trying to steady his shaky breathing.

Ten didn’t say anything, trying to process what Taeyong had told him. Or rather, what he hadn't told him. He turned and rested his chin on top of Taeyong’s head. “Can’t you tell him you don’t want to do this with him?”

Taeyong whined frustratedly. “I do want to do this with him. ‘Cause he’s… kind of acting like a lookout? Making sure no one comes in on me. And that’ll take away a lot of anxiety. But it’s just--I was gonna hide it forever and now I can’t.”

Ten frowned worriedly. Hide it forever? What could possibly be that bad? Despite his worry, he tried to keep up his teasing tone that usually mellowed out Taeyong’s worries. “Why do I feel like whatever you’re hiding isn’t nearly as bad as you think it is?”

“Trust me, it’s really weird.”

“Weird doesn’t mean bad.”

Taeyong was silent for a moment. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“Mm, of course I am, I’m always right.”

Ten grinned when Taeyong lightly smacked his leg. “Shush, you.”

“Never,” Ten threw back.

Taeyong sat up suddenly, turning to face Ten. Ten looked at him to see a determined expression on his face, the expression that Taeyong got when he decided he was going to kiss Ten. Which, he proceeded to do exactly that.

“I can still talk when we’re kissing you know,” Ten mumbled into Taeyong’s mouth.

“That just means I’m not doing it properly,” Taeyong replied, deepening the kiss. After a while, they slowed and stopped, leaning against each other in comfortable stillness.

“Less nervous?” Ten asked.

“Yeah,” Taeyong breathed. Ten could still hear the anxiety in his voice. He turned to nuzzle Taeyong’s hair.

“You can trust Johnny,” he said. “He would never hurt you, you know that.”

~♥~

“Morning Renjunnie.”

Renjun jumped, banging his knee on the kitchen table. He turned to look wildly in the direction of the voice that had called him, only to see their leader looking at him with wide eyes.

“O-oh, hi hyung.”

Taeyong gave him a curious look. “You okay?”

Renjun tried to give a convincing grin. “Yup.”

Taeyong stared at him for a moment, before shrugging. “Okay, well I’m going back to my dorm. Have a good day.”

“You too hyung.” Renjun shot him finger guns, still grinning. As soon as he heard the door click shut, his expression fell and he sagged into his chair, staring into the milk of his cereal and contemplating all his life’s decisions.

Or rather, one particular decision that he had made last night. To regress.

And it had worked.

He grumpily shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, crunching on it sourly. He had woken up wrapped snuggly in Jaemin’s arms, which wasn’t terribly unusual. But when he realized he had a pacifier in his mouth he had extricated himself as quickly as possible from the bed, shoved the pacifier into the drawer with the rest of the little stuff (He was uneasy by how vague the memory of where Jeno had put them. Also, now that he thought about it, he probably should have washed the pacifier.) and then had set about preparing a simple breakfast for himself, to distract himself from his thoughts.

But now memories were creeping back into his mind. Renjun remembered how small he had felt when Jaemin had bounced him on his leg, and he remembered the coloring, and the juice. He remembered how content he had been, to color and let his boyfriends take care of him. He hadn’t needed to worry about anything, and he got a lot of free cuddles. It had been peaceful then, but now...

He didn’t feel any different. He had thought that maybe he would be more relaxed or something, that he would magically be full of energy and ready for anything the world would throw at him. But no, if anything, he felt vulnerable. Like if anything poked at him, he would cry. Vaguely he wondered if he was still partly regressed and that was causing those feelings.

Renjun clamped down on the sudden urge to grab one of his caregi--Jeno or Jaemin and cling to them until the uncertainty that fluttered in his chest went away. He wasn’t a child, he didn’t need that kind of reassurance.

He blinked rapidly, trying to stop from pouting but unable to do so. Renjun felt sad and confused. Was regressing even worth it? Did it actually help him any?

A shuffling noise came from behind Renjun. He turned to see Ten sleepily trudging into the kitchen, hair sticking up and uncombed. The older grabbed a bowl and the box of o’s, then plopped down in the seat next to Renjun.

“Mornin’,” Ten mumbled. “How’s Injunnie this morning?”

Renjun hesitated, not sure what to say. “Okay.”

Ten stopped pouring cereal and looked at the younger. “What’s up?”

Renjun shrugged. “Not sure. Feel off.” Which was technically true. Although he had an inkling of why he was feeling bad, he wasn’t sure.

Ten cocked his head. “Like sick off or just off off?”

“Just off off,” Renjun said gloomily, pushing the soggy remnants of his breakfast around his bowl. Ten offered him an understanding smile and reached out to ruffle his hair.

“Hyung is here if you need,” Ten said gently. He took a bite of his breakfast.

Renjun tentatively changed the subject. “Did Taeyong sleep here overnight?”

Ten shook his head. “Nah, just visited this morning.” He pressed his lips together in a line and puffed out his cheeks, looking rather like a frog. “Keeping some secret. It’s bothering him, so he wanted some reassurance.”

Renjun looked at him in surprise. “Oh?”

Ten cracked a grin. “Come on, even if I knew what it was, I wouldn’t tell you.”

Renjun gave him a look. “Then why’d you mention there’s a secret?”

“Just to drive you nuts,” Ten quipped. Renjun resisted the urge to headlock Ten. While Ten was very affectionate with the dreamies, and relatively easy-going, there was something about him that you didn’t want to mess with. Renjun did have some sense of self-preservation. Sometimes.

“You don’t know what it is though?” Renjun asked.

Ten shook his head. “But that’s okay, you know? He doesn’t need to tell me everything, and if I can help him chill and not let things eat at him, that’s all I ever want from him.”

Renjun hummed. Ten suddenly leaned forward, squinting at the younger as if he had thought of something.

“Are you keeping secrets? Is that why you’re feeling off today?”

Renjun’s eyes widened. “I--I mean--sort of?”

Ten raised his eyebrows, looking surprised. “I was just joking. Huh, what a coincidence. That’d be funny if you were keeping the same secret that Yongie is.”

Renjun laughed nervously. “Yeah. Funny.”

Ten didn’t seem to notice his unease. He placed a hand on Renjun’s shoulder. “Well, I’ll give you the same advice I gave Taeyong. Whatever secret you’re keeping probably isn’t as bad as you think it is. And you can trust the people around you--not to tell them, but that they won’t think of you any differently for having secrets. Some information is yours and only yours.”

Renjun blinked slowly, then a smile spread over his face. “Thanks hyung.”

Ten nodded. “Don’t be afraid to share your feelings, no matter how vague they are. We’re here for you.”

~♥~

Johnny pressed the tape firmly to the door, then entered the bedroom. He had just put up a note that read “DO NOT DISTURB. Knock please”. Hopefully that would help deter anyone from stumbling in on him and Taeyong without warning.

Taeyong sat on his bed, clutching a small, unassuming backpack with a floral pattern. He stared at the ground, looking like anxiety was eating him raw. Johnny’s heart panged at the sight. After a moment he decided that they should probably get started.

“How do you usually start to regress?” he asked gently. Taeyong’s eyes darted towards Johnny but quickly looked back at the floor.

“I--I just kinda put my p-paci in and do whatever… whatever I feel like. Like coloring or cartoons.”

 

“Okay, well maybe you can get your paci out and show me some of your coloring?” Johnny suggested. He was curious about the contents of the bag, Taeyong’s ‘little stuff bag’, as the younger called it, but he didn’t want to pry too much too quickly.

 

“Mm.” Taeyong carefully pulled the zipper until the bag was opened. He took out a small, plastic box, that had patterned tape covering it. When Taeyong opened it, Johnny understood that the tape was to block the view of the box’s contents, since the original box was clear. Inside were two pacifiers--the pink one from the other night, and a matching one that was purple with a sleeping cloud on it. Taeyong took the purple one out and put it in his mouth, cheeks tinting pink with embarrassment.

Johnny offered him an encouraging smile. Taeyong looked away, distracting himself by pulling out a coloring book. It was an adult coloring book, animal themed with swirling, mandala-like designs inside each shape. Taeyong also took out a pack of eight crayons, setting it to the side. He flipped open the coloring book to the first page.

“Um, dish ish--” Taeyong stopped, swallowing. He put a finger in the loop of the pacifier ring, pulling it out and cupping it in his hand before continuing. “This is the first picture I colored.” 

“Wah, you did a really good job!” Johnny complimented, meaning it. The colored page depicted two giraffes, carefully colored yellow with brown spots. They were eating leaves from green and brown trees, and some purple flowers were at their feet underneath a light blue sky. It was impressively meticulous for using crayons.

Taeyong smiled a tiny bit, some of the tension dropping from his shoulders. He leafed through some pages before opening to a picture of a cat. It was colored blue, green, and purple, making the different shapes and designs within the cat’s figure pop out. Johnny made the appropriate oo-ing and ah-ing noises, then Taeyong moved on and showed him two more pages. The last one was unfinished--a lion head with many dots and stripes inside it. Half its mane was colored with the repeated pattern of red, orange, yellow, and brown.

Taeyong huffed. “This one takes forever and it gets  _ boring _ .”

“Hmm. Would you want any help with that or are you going to finish that eventually?” Johnny asked. Internally he was paying more attention to Taeyong’s body language. The huffiness and slightly-protruding lip were indications that Johnny hesitantly marked down as “feeling little”.

“Help?” Taeyong asked slowly, not understanding.

Johnny nodded. “I don’t want to mess up any of your pretty artwork, but if you’re just following a pattern here, maybe I could do some of the work for you, so you can color something more fun.”

“You don’t mind?” Taeyong asked, unsure.

Johnny offered him a smile, although his heart was panging once again at the doubt and hesitance in Taeyong’s voice. “Not at all.”

After a moment of consideration, Taeyong carefully tore out the page and handed it to Johnny, then opened the box of crayons, fished out the colors needed and handed them over. Then he started looking for a new picture to color, eventually settling on a panda.

Johnny took a notebook off of his dresser, using it as a hard surface to color on. As he carefully worked on the drawing, he watched Taeyong out of the corner of his eye. Minutes passed, and Taeyong seemed to fully relax into headspace. Johnny assumed this by the way Taeyong had slid off the bed onto the floor, where he was lying on his stomach, kicking his legs and humming to himself, tongue protruding as he concentrated. His pacifier sat on the bed, forgotten.

After a while, Johnny became more engrossed with the coloring rather than watching Taeyong, so he was surprised when he felt a tugging at his pants. He looked down into Taeyong’s wide eyes.

“Hyung, can I borrow brown?”

Johnny bit back a smile, handing the little the crayon, then ruffled his hair. Taeyong offered a shy smile before going back to coloring. They continued like this, coloring quietly and occasionally exchanging colors. Johnny was starting to relax himself, enjoying the quiet calm that had settled over them. He could get used to this.

 Taeyong was nearly done with the panda when Johnny’s phone started to vibrate. On the display read “Lunchtime”. Johnny dismissed the alarm and spoke to Taeyong. 

“Yongie, I’m going to go get our lunch and bring it back, okay?”

Taeyong’s hand paused, hovered over the coloring book. He slowly turned to look at Johnny. In a small voice he asked, “You’re leaving?”

Johnny immediately picked up on the fragile note in the younger’s voice. He crouched down next to Taeyong, looking into his eyes intently.

“I’ll be gone for five minutes, tops. I just need to go get our food, and then I’ll bring it straight here. It’s already prepared and everything. Is that okay?”

Taeyong reached out wrapped his hand around Johnny’s, as if to ground his worries. “Just five?”

“Just five,” Johnny confirmed.

After a tiny “ok”, Johnny went over to their bedroom door, peeked outside to see if the coast was clear, then slipped out and went up the stairs to the kitchen. He took the containers he had prepared earlier that morning out of the fridge, as well as two thermoses, then moved quickly back downstairs to their room. He awkwardly maneuvered the food and drink in his arms so that he could knock on the door.

“It’s just me,” Johnny said, before fumbling with the knob to open the door, then ended up closing it with his foot. Taeyong pushed himself up so that he sat cross legged, looking curiously at the containers in Johnny’s arms. Johnny handed him a thermos and sat down next to him. He took the lids off the containers of food and grinned at Taeyong’s excited gasp.

Inside each lunch he had prepared a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, along with a side of grapes and crackers. Simple food, but perfect for the occasion. It was also made from food on hand or from the convenience store, which made things less complicated for Johnny to throw together on short notice.

Taeyong picked up a half of sandwich, took a huge bite, and munched on it happily while wiggling his legs. Johnny took a sip from his thermos--lemonade, from powder mix--and started on his own lunch. Taeyong mimicked him, also taking a drink. Then he scrunched up his nose.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, already internally cursing himself for somehow messing up such a simple lunch.

“Jelly make it sour,” Taeyong pouted. Johnny stared blankly, trying to process the choppy sentence, then it clicked and he laughed.

“The sweet jelly made the lemonade sour?” he asked. Taeyong nodded strongly. Johnny laughed some more, causing Taeyong to pout even harder. 

“Maybe if you drink some more it’ll go away,” Johnny suggested, popping a grape in his mouth.

Taeyong tilted the thermos up once again, but this time at a much higher angle that resulted in the lemonade rushing out onto his face. Johnny froze, shocked, before Taeyong whimpered sadly, eyes tightly screwed shut against the pink liquid. In that very moment, Johnny realized he had forgotten napkins.

“Ah--It’s okay, I’ll clean that up,” Johnny said hastily, looking around for something that could clean Taeyong’s face. He briefly considered grabbing his pillow case and using that, but then he spied Taeyong’s wet wipes on his dresser. He grabbed the container and jerked out a wipe, or rather a few wipes that hadn’t separated properly.

He pried the lemonade out of Taeyong’s hand and set it aside, then gently wiped over Taeyong’s eyelids and around his face. When he had finished, Taeyong slowly opened his eyes, looking very sad.

“Sorry,” he whispered, eyes huge and brimming with tears.

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Johnny said firmly, but softly. “Accidents happen, and that was easy to clean up. No harm done.”

Despite his words, Taeyong’s eyes welled up even further and he sniffled.

“Awee, hey, come here,” Johnny said, gently pulling Taeyong into a hug. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Taeyong pressed his face into Johnny’s shirt, nuzzling it in an attempt to calm down. Johnny wrapped his arms tightly around Taeyong, gently soothing him. After a few minutes Taeyong pulled away, looking down at his own shirt.

“Wet,” he said sadly, touching where the lemonade had gotten on it.

“Well, why don’t we change out of that shirt, huh?” Johnny asked. Taeyong nodded slowly.

“You pick?” he asked. Johnny nodded, standing up and going to open Taeyong’s closet. He looked in it briefly before pulling back and looking at Taeyong.

“Would one of my shirts be okay? My shirts aren’t as fancy as yours, so it’s okay if you get food on them.”

Taeyong gnawed on his thumb, considering. “Is okay?”

Johnny reassured him that it was, then grabbed a plain grey shirt and set it on the bed. Taeyong was chewing on his fingernails, watching him passively. Johnny frowned at that. He picked up Taeyong’s pacifier and offered it to him. Taeyong eyed it for a moment before dropping his hand and opening his mouth wide to accept the soother. Johnny marveled at how the little visibly relaxed just from a few sucks on the object.

“Arms up,” Johnny said, curling his fingers under the hem of Taeyong’s shirt and shimmying it off of his torso. He tossed the soiled clothing to the side, then tugged the clean shirt over Taeyong’s body. It wasn’t terribly bigger than Taeyong’s normal clothes, but enough so that it made the younger look small. Taeyong pulled the sleeves over his hands to make sweater-paws while looking warily at the rest of his lunch. Johnny followed his gaze. He hummed, contemplative.

“Hey baby, why don’t you try to eat some more of your lunch. If you want a drink, then ask for me to help you. Okay?”

Taeyong’s eyes went unfocused for a moment. Johnny watched him, concerned. But then Taeyong let the pacifier drop from his mouth and picked up his sandwich again, continuing to eat. Johny stuck his tongue in his cheek, worrying that Taeyong had slipped out of headspace because of the drink mishap.

This seemed to not be the case, because moments later Taeyong had finished part of his sandwich and was now pointing with his whole hand toward his drink, looking at Johnny imploringly. Johnny’s eyes crinkled with his smile, and he picked up the lemonade and tilted it gently into Taeyong’s mouth. When he held the thermos back to allow the little to swallow, Taeyong wiggled his shoulders happily and went back to eating.

After they finished lunch, they resumed coloring. When Taeyong finished his panda, he shyly held the book up to Johnny, giggling and blushing profusely at Johnny’s animated praises. Johnny noticed that parts of the page were messier and more colorful than others. This made Johnny wonder if the neater, drabber parts were done when Taeyong wasn’t so deep in his headspace.

“Do you want to color some more, baby?” Johnny asked. Taeyong chewed on his lip, eyes boring into the coloring book with deep thought. Finally he nodded, and Johnny gave him back the book. The little flipped through the pages, lips tugging down in an ever-deepening frown. He eventually stopped and tugged on Johnny’s pants leg to pull the older’s attention away from his own coloring.

“Hyung choose?” Taeyong asked, pouting.

“Of course aegi.” Johnny took the book back and looked through it. After a moment, he was starting to frown as well.

“Yongie…” he started, trailing off. The little tilted his head, wide eyes questioning. “Aren’t these designs a little difficult?”

The pages that hadn’t been colored were even more intricate than the lion he had been working on. Despite being artistic, Johnny doubted that Taeyong could easily complete any of the remaining designs, in or out of headspace. Personally, Johnny wouldn't even want to consider them as something he would like to work on himself.

“Mmmm,” Taeyong hummed. “Kinda? But…”

“But?” Johnny prompted.

“I’s what I got.”

“We could go out and get an easier coloring book sometime, you know. A kid’s coloring book,” Johnny suggested. Taeyong’s bottom lip nearly disappeared from how hard he was chewing on it.

“What if someone saw?” Taeyong asked quietly.

Johnny hesitated. The conversation was steering towards topics that he was afraid would pull Taeyong out of headspace. But he also felt that, big or small, it was important for Taeyong to understand his thoughts on this matter.

 “I don’t think it would matter, baby. I’m sure there’s some people who don’t regress that find these coloring books too difficult, or find the kid’s ones more fun. Plus, we could always say it’s for a kid, or a game, or like… literally anything other than regression. People usually accept simple explanations.”

He cautiously watched Taeyong processing his words. After a moment, the little looked up.

“Can get a coloring book?” Taeyong asked.

Johnny broke out into a smile. “We can get a coloring book,” he confirmed.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting! It means the world to me ^.^  
> Suggestions and requests welcome and encouraged!  
> Soon, probably next chapter, Yongie and Johnny will be going out to get some little supplies. If there's anything specific you would like to see them get (like a certain toy or something), comment below!


	5. Chapter 5

As for getting a coloring book, “sometime” had turned into “a month later.” They had been so wrapped up in their schedules that they hadn't had time to really go out for dinner, let alone to shop. Taeyong spent most of his free time sleeping, when he had any. He certainly didn’t have any time to regress.

But that didn’t mean he hadn’t had time to talk to Johnny about regression. In the small breaths of space between work and life, Johnny and Taeyong had quietly discussed regression in more depth. Johnny asked about how he had felt in headspace, what he could do to help Taeyong get into and stay in headspace, if there was anything he wanted in regards to “little gear”, etc. Taeyong tried to explain his best, but in the end, he hadn’t actually been regressing long enough to know how to answer properly.

So, he showed Johnny his regression tumblr, properly this time. Showed him the posts other regressors made, describing their experiences and giving advice and positivity. After discussing with Taeyong, Johnny ended up making his own tumblr too--a caregiver blog. This way, Johnny could also help find content that could assist with making Taeyong’s regression more comfortable and fulfilling. Johnny often tagged him in cute animal videos and dm’d him any post that he thought Taeyong might find helpful, like the one establishing rules and boundaries between little and caregiver, creating a sense of security for said little and not overtaxing the caregiver’s energy. He also often wrote long commentaries in the tags of posts that he reblogged. Taeyong liked to read them so he could have an insight to Johnny's thoughts without having to directly ask him what he was thinking. When he could work up the courage, or if Johnny initiated the conversation, they would talk about those posts.

Today they finally had a free day, and they had long-since planned this day to go to a store to buy Taeyong a proper coloring book, along with some toys and other items. Taeyong was desperately trying to distract his mind as Johnny drove. He was incredibly nervous, even though he knew he shouldn’t be.

He refreshed Johnny’s profile, scrolling through his latest reblogs. He smiled at a video of a bunny nibbling on lettuce. He looked at a few more posts, before stopping short. He stared at a text post titled “caregiver names”, that had a long list of words like ‘mommy’, ‘daddy’, and ‘bubba’. Taeyong stared at it for a long time, his heart beating loudly in his chest. Shakily, he dragged his thumb up the screen to scroll until he could see the tags at the bottom of the post, nervous to see what Johnny had commented. Both to his surprise and chagrin, Taeyong found only the tag “cg references”, not the usual playful commentary. He pursed his lips. What did this _mean_? Did Johnny want a caregiver name? Or was he just taking note of what other littles and caregivers do?

 _Would...would I want to call him…_ Taeyong refused to finish that thought. _No need to make things weirder than they are._ But despite his best efforts, Taeyong’s thoughts kept drifting back to the topic. He was slightly horrified to find that he had already picked out a name he wanted to call Johnny when Taeyong was little. But Taeyong mentally put his foot down. _I will_ not _call him that. We would need to discuss it first and that’s_ not _happening._

~♥~

Johnny pushed their cart past the first section of toy aisles, chattering with Taeyong about a video game he had played with Donghyuck the night before. Or rather, he suspected he was talking _at_ Taeyong rather than _with_ him since Taeyong’s responses were little more than “mhm.” But Johnny hoped that his talking would sooth Taeyong’s anxiety that was clearly prevalent. Taeyong had been quiet the whole car ride and had stuck close to Johnny when they first entered the store, eyes downcast. They had gone to the book section first, and Taeyong had hesitantly picked a Spider-man coloring book, after much blushing and whining. Johnny had stood firm, however, not letting Taeyong run away from the aisle. He had praised Taeyong after he made his choice, causing Taeyong to blush even more, but he seemed a little happier to have the coloring book after waiting all this time.

Johnny picked out a 24 pack of crayons to go with it, sweeping aside Taeyong’s protests of “I already have crayons!” by claiming it would be easier to help the little color if there were more crayons to share. Taeyong huffed but let it slide when he saw Johnny’s eyes wandering dangerously towards the packs of 120 crayons. He dragged Johnny out of the aisle, amid protests about wanting to look at the children’s books-- _”What if I want to read you bedtime stories?” “There’s plenty online, it’s not necessary.”_

Next, they went to the baby section. One of the items they had planned to get was a sippy cup, so no more accidents with drinks would occur. Taeyong had eyed the cups warily, clinging to Johnny with one hand on the older’s arm. He quickly picked out a plain blue one, giving Johnny the sneaking suspicion that the younger had picked one as quickly as possible so they could move on. But after some questioning and Taeyong denying that was so, Johnny let it slide. The sippy cup were tall and had a soft spout to them, which seemed to meet Johnny’s standards for what his little one should have. After examining it further, Johnny also grabbed a bottle attachment to go along with it, seeing that the spout and the nipple were interchangeable for that particular brand.

They then headed to the toys, which was where they were now. To be honest, Johnny was a little excited as well. He had been imagining getting a lego set and building it with Taeyong in the way Johnny’s dad had done with him when he was a kid. Johnny was heading toward the lego aisle when he realized Taeyong hadn’t responded to his conversation for a bit. He stopped to look back at Taeyong, tilting his head curiously.

 

Taeyong had stopped at the end of one of the aisles. His mouth was slightly parted, and his eyes were captivated by a toy. On display was a small Moana doll with her pet pig. After a moment, Johnny walked back to Taeyong.

  
"What are you looking at, sweetheart?" Johnny asked softly.

  
Taeyong blinked, shaking his head a little. Then, he turned to the older man with shining eyes, and in an excited voice he said, "It's-it's Moana! And Pua! Can-can we get her? Please, Johnny, pleaaase?" He gave Johnny his best puppy eyes, but they weren't needed.

  
"Of course baby. Pick one out and put it in the basket please,” Johnny said fondly, although he was slightly startled that little Yongie had appeared so suddenly.

Taeyong let out the most precious squeal and did a little dance, then he turned to carefully scrutinize the dolls for the one he wanted, despite the fact they were all the same. Johnny observed the boy with a smile, though internally he was processing that Taeyong had been drawn to the dolls first. _There's no harm. Honestly, I feel bad that I assumed he would want the boys’ stuff first._ He frowned at the thought, then corrected himself. _No, I shouldn't think like that. ‘Boys stuff’, ‘girl’s stuff’, that’s not right. Toys are genderless._

 _  
_ A tugging at his sleeve pulled Johnny from his thoughts. He looked over to see Taeyong staring up at him with big eyes. He realized Taeyong had already picked out a doll while he had been thinking. "Ah, good choice baby!"

  
Taeyong grinned, bouncing on his toes happily. Johnny hesitated a moment, then decided to ask, "Would you like to go down the rest of this aisle?"

Taeyong lit up and nodded vigorously. He put the doll in the cart and skipped down the aisle, pausing to look at various dolls. Johnny slowly pushed the cart behind him, watching Taeyong’s excited expressions. After he finished looking at everything in the aisle, Taeyong walked back to the beginning, staring at a particular group of dolls. Johnny left the cart and went to stand behind Taeyong, a soft smile lifting the corners of his lips.

Taeyong stared intently at the shelves lined with barbies. In particular, he seemed to be focused on the sets that had job-themed accessories--a vet, a farmer, a doctor. His brows furrowed with concentration. Johnny waited patiently for him to make a decision.

The little huffed, then reached for one with a grocery set with his right hand and the vet set with his left. He brought them to eye level, scrutinizing them, then turned to Johnny with a pout. 

“I dunno what ta choose,” he whined. 

Johnny hummed, giving him a patient smile. “Well, which one do you think would be more fun?”

Taeyong’s pout deepened. “I dun _know_.” He looked down at the toys again. Quietly, in a voice more big than little, he said, “I want both. But I shouldn’t.”

Johnny frowned, wondering again at the sudden change in headspace. One of his previous discussions with Taeyong echoed in his mind. _“...you took care of me really well and that made me feel...smaller.”_ On a separate occasion, Taeyong had also talked about sometimes having trouble staying in headspace when big thoughts started intruding. _Maybe if I baby him more, he’ll be able to stay little_ , Johnny thought. He looked at the toys again, thinking.

He came to a decision and placed a hand on the veterinarian set. “Well baby, maybe you can get the one with the puppy and kitty, and save the grocery set for next time. That way you can play with your toys one at a time. How does that sound?”

Taeyong’s eyes widened, not expecting Johnny to respond in that manner. Johnny’s words seemed to have done the trick though. Taeyong’s voice was back to little as he responded with a happy, “Okay! An-and then Pua can have some fwiends!” He put the grocery set back on the shelf and placed the vet in the cart. He then came up behind Johnny and threw his arms around the caregiver, burying his face in his back.

“Johnny’s the best,” Taeyong said shyly. 

Johnny’s heart pitter-pattered in his chest. He affectionately placed his hands on top of Taeyong’s clasped ones. “Aww, you’re the best too baby.” He let Taeyong hug him for as long as he wanted, then asked, “Do you want to go check out? It’s early, we could probably have time to play when we get back.”

Taeyong slipped his arms away and stood back, beaming. “Okay!”

~♥~

Johnny noticed Taeyong getting squirmy in the checkout line. At first, Johnny thought Taeyong was embarrassed at the cashier seeing their purchases, so he took Taeyong’s hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. Taeyong started swinging their hands back and forth a little, then rested his head against Johnny’s arm. He clung to Johnny like that all the way to the car. Johnny tried prying him off so he could put their bags in the trunk, but Taeyong only whined and clung even tighter.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, slightly concerned. Taeyong pouted, looking grumpy.

“Wanna snug.”

Johnny let out a little laugh, glad it was nothing serious. “We can snug when we get back. Do you wanna wait in the car while I put our stuff away?”

Taeyong whined, not responding. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then he yawned and blinked away watery eyes. Realization struck Johnny. With a barely concealed grin, he asked, “Are you sleepy, baby?”

“Mm-mm,” Taeyong denied, but Johnny knew better. He guided the sleepy little to the front passenger seat, helping him to get in and buckled the seatbelt for him. Taeyong’s fingers drifted to his mouth as he watched Johnny through bleary eyes. Johnny smiled softly. He reached around Taeyong to the back seat where his bag was. He dug into the second middle pocket, bringing out two objects. He had planned on waiting until they got to the dorms, but…

He slipped the pacifier into Taeyong’s mouth, then covered it with a loose face mask. Taeyong hummed sleepily, eyes drooping. Johnny could see the pacifier bobbing through the fabric. He smiled at the sleepy little, then shut the car door as quietly as he could.

Johnny was just about to get behind the wheel after putting the bags and cart away when an idea struck him. He looked at Taeyong hesitantly, then back towards the store. He bit his lip. He didn’t want to leave Taeyong alone, but the little one was now fast asleep…

He took the chance, jogging back to the store. Minutes later he returned with two more bags. He tossed them in the trunk then slid into the driver’s seat, breathing a sigh of relief when it appeared that Taeyong hadn’t woken up. He started the car, ready to head home.

~♥~

Taeyong felt fingers gently carding through his hair, causing him to stir. He murmured and whined incomprehensibly, sleep clinging to his brain and making his bones feel fuzzy and intangible. He started to register Johnny’s voice, coaxing him awake. He cracked open his eyes a fraction.

He was in a car, and if his mind was starting to function properly again, the car was in the parking garage for their dorms. Taeyong really didn’t want to get up. But potentially, if he did, he could go curl up in his nice soft bed…

He crawled out of the car, blinking sleep out of his eyes. Johnny gave him a smile, then started handing him grocery bags. This reminded Taeyong what they had been doing, and caused him to wake up further. He realized he had a mask on, which, while he didn’t know where it came from, wasn’t unusual in itself, but he also realized something was in his mouth. He made a confused “mm?!” noise, causing Johnny to glance at him. Taeyong stared at him, wide-eyed and not sure how to form the question in his mind. Johnny seemed to take his lack of words as a sign that Taeyong hadn’t actually been trying to get his attention and turned back to the car, grabbing the last few bags and shutting the trunk door. He headed towards the dorm building entrance.

As they headed up the stairs, Taeyong prodded the object in his mouth with his tongue. It _felt_ like a pacifier, but it was much too big. Plus, his pacifiers were in his little bag back in the dorm. So what…

When they entered the 127 dorm, they were greeted by the sounds of an intense mario kart game in the living room between Jaehyun and Donghyuck. Johnny set his bags down and quietly indicated for Taeyong to sit on the entrance room’s bench, then unlaced Taeyong’s shoes and pulled them off for him. Taeyong hadn’t been sure if he was little or big while they walked up to the dorm, but now he was definitely erring on the “little” side. He eyed the living room nervously. It was starting to hit him that not only had he been little in public today, but he was dangerously close to being little in front of his bandmates.

Johnny definitely picked up on his anxiety. He ruffled Taeyong’s hair and gave him a reassuring smile, then picked up the bags again and led him through the living room and down the stairs, giving quick greetings to the gamers focused on the tv. They got into their room without seeing anyone else. Johnny put the bags near the bed and quickly dug out their “do not disturb” sign from Taeyong’s little space bag and taped it to their door.

As soon as Johnny shut the door, Taeyong pulled off his mask and took the object out of his mouth so he could look at it. To his surprise, it _was_ a pacifier, only much bigger than the baby ones he had in his bag. Printed on its light blue-green shield was the cute face of a cartoon brown bear. Taeyong stared at it for a moment, turning it all around in his hands, before looking up at Johnny, who was watching him with a sheepish smile.

“I didn’t want you to hurt your mouth. You had said your jaw gets sore after a while with the other ones…” Johnny said in a way of explanation. “Do you...like it?”

Taeyong looked up, eyes wide. _Did his caregiver think he did something wrong?_ He stuttered out a quiet but genuine answer. “Yes Johnny, love it!”

Johnny’s smile widened and his posture relaxed. A tiny smile played at Taeyong’s mouth and he wiggled a little, happy to have reassured his caregiver. His eyes flickered back down to the pacifier. Hesitantly, he put it back in his mouth, sucking at it a little, then flopped on his side, sprawled across the bed with drooping eyes.

“Canna go ba’ ta shleep?” he slurred around the pacifier.

Johnny laughed. “Didn’t you sleep long enough in the car?”  
“Wan’ sleeeeeep” Taeyong whined, curling further up on top of the covers.

“Oh, so you don’t want to play with your new toys?” Johnny asked. “I guess I’ll just put them away then…”

Taeyong bolted upright. “No, wanna play!”

“I thought you wanted to sleep?” Johnny teased. Taeyong whined at him, causing Johnny to laugh again. He rooted through the bags, taking out the Moana doll and the Barbie set and setting them on the bed. Taeyong scooted closer on his knees, grabbing at Moana and attempting to tear at the package. But there were little zip ties holding her into place and after a few moments of struggling, Taeyong looked up at Johnny with a pout.

“Help.”

Johnny searched Taeyong’s desk for a pair of scissors, then took the toy and neatly snipped away the packaging and handed the doll and the pig to Taeyong. The little gave him a delighted “t’ank you!” and started bending all the joints on the doll, figuring out how it could move. He took his fingers and combed them through Moana’s hair, feeling the curly texture. Johnny put the scissors back on the desk and sat on the opposite end of the bed, watching him for a little bit before going on his phone, checking the messages he’s missed. He glanced at Taeyong occasionally, watching the little absorbed in his playing with Moana and Pua. Johnny saw him take Moana’s hand and mime a petting motion on the little pig’s head, causing Johnny’s heart to melt.

Johnny’s attention eventually became fully absorbed with his phone. It was only when Taeyong gently tugged at his sleeve did he notice that a good chunk of time had passed. He looked up to find the little holding out the Barbie box to him.

“Ah, you want me to open that for you baby?”

Taeyong nodded, patiently waiting as Johnny dismantled the packaging. Eventually, Johnny freed the vet and placed her on the bed, then soon placed the plastic holding all the little pieces next to her. Taeyong smiled with crinkled eyes at Johnny, then took all the little pieces out of the plastic. He started putting all the tiny accessories on the examination table, but quickly grew frustrated when the table didn’t stay standing up on the uneven bed. He huffed when it fell over for a third time, then scooped up all the pieces and clambered down onto the floor. Finally, he was able to place all the parts where they belonged and was able to begin playing.

Johnny thought that maybe Taeyong had slipped a little further, since he hadn’t spoken any words for a while now. But to his surprise, he heard Taeyong mumbling something after a few moments on the floor. He looked at Taeyong, but the little didn’t notice him watching. After straining to hear what Taeyong was saying, he realized that Taeyong was muttering a storyline that he was acting out with the toys. It was a strange mix of dialogue and descriptions of what the characters were doing, but Johnny could make out that the puppy was getting a check-up while the other animals watched nervously. Moana was comforting the other pets while Barbie checked the puppy’s heartbeat with the stethoscope.

For a moment, Johnny was gripped with the strong urge to take a video of the precious moment. But then he realized he hadn’t talked to Taeyong about pictures and videos of when he was regressed. After some indecision, Johnny opened his notes app and made a note to talk about that with Taeyong later.

After all, there would always be the next time when Taeyong regressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! Also, suggestions for upcoming chapters are welcomed and encouraged. I plan to have a few more instances of Taeyong regressing before someone new discovers he regresses, but I only have one more idea for Taeyong and Johnny currently! So, requests very very welcome ^.^ Next chapter will be with Chenle and Jisung, unless a rogue inspiration bunny attacks.
> 
> (P.S. Thank you for all your suggestions for little gear. Most likely, if you did not see your suggestions appear in this chapter, it will appear in the future, don't fret. Also I will reply to comments on the previous chapter soon. <3)
> 
> (P.P.S. Requests apart from Johnny and Taeyong are also welcome)
> 
> Edit: Next chapter will be posted next Sunday.


	6. Chapter 6

”We can’t just watch movies, that’s not regressing--we need the pacis”

Jisung frowned. “Not everyone needs or wants pacifiers when regressing. You must have seen that when we were researching.”

Chenle and Jisung, after many hours of hushed talking and research, decided that they wanted to test out this regression thing. Sure, they were much younger than Taeyong, but from their research, they seemed to find more people around their  _ own _ age rather than around their leader’s. And if this was a stress-relieving tactic that worked for Taeyong, then it had to be good enough to work for themselves, right? And so here they were, arguing over whether or not they should get pacifiers for their attempt to regress.

“Well,” Chenle said, scrunching up his face, trying to think of how he wanted to say his thoughts. “I know that, but it’s still… for me, that’s how I would feel. I wouldn’t feel like I was actually trying to regress.”

Jisung fixed Chenle with a disapproving gaze for a moment, before sighing. “Fiiine. How are we going to get them?”

Chenle clapped his hands excitedly and grabbed his laptop, powering it on. “We’ll just order them online! That way we can get the adult ones to begin with and not have to deal with the tiny baby ones.”

Jisung opened his mouth, uncertainty written on his face. “How would we be able to get the packages without anyone else seeing though? I mean, I don’t think anyone looks at each others’ packages, but if someone saw the shop name and got curious…”

Chenle smiled reassuringly. “I’m pretty sure most shops have discreet packaging for this kind of stuff, so you can’t tell where it’s from. But, also, we can just have it go to my house. My parents definitely don’t look at my packages. Plus…” he paused, typing in the password for his laptop. 

“Plus, uh, maybe it would make sense to have them come to my house anyway? ‘Cause when we try regressing, it would be more private at my house, without any nosy hyungs trying to barge in, you know?”

Jisung nodded, leaning forward to rest his chin on Chenle’s shoulder. He watched as the older boy brought up the web browser and opened an online notes app. Jisung was only mildly surprised that Chenle had already compiled a list of links to pacifier shops.

“So, I kinda like this one the best ‘cause there’s lots of options for what you want to attach…” Chenle opened the first link. Rows of custom pacis popped up on the screen. 

Scrolling through the options, Jisung could see all the different themes--there was a wide range of colors, most of them had pearly beads glued to the shield along with a charm that fit the individual themes, including plastic candies, ducks, baby bottles, kittens, and more. Some had lettering that spelled out nicknames such as “baby girl” or “puppy”.

Jisung could see why Chenle liked this shop so much. There were a lot of customizable options, something that Chenle loved in general. But Jisung couldn’t help but feel that there was too much going on in their designs. He almost preferred the styles of baby pacifiers; they had simpler, printed designs rather than all the extra attachments.

“Okay, but there’s also these…” With a few clicks, Chenle brought up a different shop. This one had similar designs, but were less customizable. After scrolling through the page for a little bit, they moved on to the next link with similar designs. Then, finally, they came to a shop that Jisung was interested in; one with flat designs rather than glued decorations.

“How do they make these?” Jisung wondered aloud. The designs popped out slightly, as if they were pasted designs with an enamel finish painted over them. Chenle made an “I dunno” noise.

“Hey look! This one could be Mark’s!” Chenle giggled, pointing to a pale pink pacifier with a pastel watermelon printed on it.

Jisung grinned. “Cute.”

“Lee  _ Mark _ ,” Chenle said, before moving on.

“I like these ones better. The other designs were too...busy,” Jisung said. Chenle hummed in acknowledgment. Then he looked up.

“Okay, so, I was thinking…” Chenle started.

“Ah? That’s dangerous,” Jisung interrupted. Chenle huffed and playfully smacked his shoulder.

“I  _ was thinking _ , maybe we could choose a pacifier for each other? Like, actually try to choose something we would like.” Chenle fiddled with a strand of his purple hair, bright eyes watching Jisung for his response.

Jisung hesitated. “Like a surprise?”

“Yeah!” Chenle replied. Jisung tilted his head, thinking.

“Maybe we should show each other what the designs are before we order them. So, it’s still a surprise but...for less time.”

Chenle pouted. “What, don’t you trust me to know your tastes?”

Jisung gave him an unimpressed but teasing look. He then fished his phone out of his pocket. “Here, send me the links.” 

Once Chenle texted the list of shops to Jisung, they started looking at pacifiers. After a while, they both seemed satisfied with their choices.

“So...I think you’ll really like this one,” Jisung said, opening the web page up on Chenle’s laptop. The site loaded, and then Chenle started laughing.

“It’s perfect!” he giggled. The pacifier that Jisung chose had a blue dolphin glued to its matching shield, with little pearly beads that looked almost like bubbles surrounding it.

Once Chenle composed himself, he brought up his choice for Jisung. “Okay, but we must have some sort of psychic bond because…” A picture of a yellow paci popped up, with a printed cartoon chick on it. Jisung clapped his hands together, grinning.

“Yes, that’s great!”

“Okay, then I’ll order them,” Chenle declared. He filled out his information to purchase each pacifier, then closed his laptop and turned to Jisung. “They’ll come in a little over a week. Do you want to check if you can come over around…” 

Chenle brought up a calendar and discussed their schedule with Jisung. Eventually they came to an agreement on when they would meet at Chenle’s house to try regressing.

~♥~

”I won’t be home until late, but if you need anything, call, okay?” Chenle’s mom said. Chenle reassured her that they would be fine and Jisung gave her a shy smile. She closed the bedroom door, and Chenle immediately broke into an excited grin. He went over to his closet, pulling out a bunch of packages. A week had passed since they ordered the pacifiers. Now they were at Chenle’s house, and much to their surprise and delight, Chenle’s mom had a business meeting, so they would be home alone for a while. This made it much easier for them to regress without worrying about someone walking in on them.

Jisung fiddled with the hem of his shirt, swinging his legs from where he sat on the edge of Chenle’s bed. He watched Chenle struggle to carry the pile of boxes. Eventually he managed to bring them over and set them next to the younger with a  _ thump _ . Jisung wondered why he had brought all the boxes over--surely it would have been easier to just bring the box with the pacifiers, which was probably the smallest box?

Chenle flopped on his bed, opposite to Jisung and the pile of packages. He picked at his pants, looking excitedly at the boxes and envelopes.

“Which one is the pacifiers?” Jisung asked when it didn’t seem that Chenle was going to start.

Chenle looked surprised for a moment, before checking the pile, then pulling out two smaller packages. He scrutinized their labels, then handed one to Jisung. Chenle tried tearing at the tape with his hands, before giving up and grabbing a pair of scissors from his desk and attacking the box with them. Once he cut the tape, he handed the scissors to Jisung.

Jisung tore at the tape on the box, enjoying the ripping sound. He pried open the flaps of cardboard and peered inside. There was a small white box with a gift tag. A little thrill ran through the boy when he flipped over the tag, reading the handwritten message: “Thank you, Jisung, for your purchase.”

This was  _ his _ pacifier. He wasn't sure  _ exactly _ what he was feeling now, with all the emotions running through him, but he was definitely excited. Gingerly he slid the top of the little box off, setting it aside. A smile spread across his face as he picked up the pacifier and inspected it. He ran his thumb over the shield. Okay, as weird as this situation was, it was also kinda cool. He glanced up, wondering why Chenle was so quiet. He laughed at what he saw.

“Aren’t you supposed to wash them first?” Jisung teased. Chenle shrugged, grinning around his blue pacifier. Jisung looked at his own pacifier for a moment, debating on putting it in his mouth like Chenle, but something uncomfortable squirmed inside himself and he set it to the side instead, refocusing his attention on the remaining boxes.

“What’s this?” he asked, confused, pulling out another box from the pile. Chenle took it from him to look at the label, then handed it back and gestured for Jisung to open it. Jisung looked at him warily. When he opened it, he found a tall baby bottle with Winnie the Pooh printed on the sides. The nipple was longer and differently shaped than a regular bottle meant for babies.

He gave Chenle a look. “I thought we  _ said _ that we were only getting the pacifiers.”

Chenle gave him an innocent expression and shrugged. Jisung sighed. “Isn’t this custom too? What are you gonna do with all of this if we don’t end up using it?”

“Oh come on, I didn’t get that much,” Chenle replied, taking his pacifier out. “I got two bottles, the two pacis, a teething ring, and two onesies. And I can just return them to the shops if we don’t want them.” 

Jisung frowned. “No we can’t, don’t you remember the warning from the description of the pacifiers? It said they were non-returnable for sanitary reasons. The bottles are probably the same way.”

“Ah,” Chenle said, looking surprised. Apparently he did not remember this.

Jisung hummed discontentedly, but let it go. “You said there are onesies?” he asked. 

Chenle made a confirming noise and pawed through the packages. He handed a soft envelope to Jisung and took a second one for himself. “I’m not sure which one is which, ‘cause they’re from the same shop.”

Jisung shrugged and started tearing at the envelope. He tugged out something soft and yellow that was in a clear plastic bag. “Wait…” he said, taking the rest of the packaging off. He started giggling. “Matching onesies?”

Chenle broke out in a big smile. He held up his own onesie, a blue dolphin with cute eyes and little blush marks printed on its hood. “What else was I supposed to get?”

“You weren’t  _ supposed _ to get anything else,” Jisung chided, but there was no bite to his words. He ran his hands over his own onesie. It was pastel yellow, with the same eyes printed on the hood, along with more fabric attached to create a tuft of feathers on the very top and a little orange beak between the eyes. “It’s so soft,” he said with wonder.

“Mhm!” Chenle agreed, hugging his onesie to his chest. “Let’s change, yeah?” 

~♥~

Jisung smoothed the yellow fabric of his onesie down nervously. The cloth was very soft and made him feel more relaxed than he cared to admit. He watched Chenle scurry around his room. Jisung had lost track of what the other was doing a little while ago--Chenle had finished changing much quicker than Jisung and had said something about setting up the rest of the stuff for their regression.

Jisung watched Chenle fiddle with a cable behind his TV. His eyes glazed over as his thoughts wandered. Then Chenle was there, nudging something between Jisung's lips with a bright smile.

"Ahhh," Chenle said, and Jisung opened his mouth automatically. It took him a second to realize it was his pacifier; the silicon new and strange on his tongue.

Chenle ruffled his hair and cooed a "kyeoooo" at him. Jisung scrunched his nose in response. Chenle grabbed the TV remote, made a happy noise when it powered on immediately, and brought up Netflix, then the kids' section. "Okay  _ baby Jisungie _ , what do you wanna watch?"

Jisung narrowed his eyes at Chenle, not liking the emphasis on baby because, hey, Chenle is also supposed to be a baby with him! But he turned to look through the shows and movies Chenle was flicking through. He gasped when his eyes landed on a particular movie, pacifier falling to his lap.

"Ah," he said, looking down at the pacifier. Then noticed Chenle looking at him expectantly. "U-um, can we watch Nemo?" Jisung asked shyly, waiting for his friend to laugh at his choice.

Chenle  _ beamed _ . "Yeah sure! I haven't watched it in forever!" He selected the movie, and once it started playing, tossed the remote to the side. He grabbed an extra blanket from the foot of his bed and wrapped it around himself and Jisung, pressing his shoulder into the younger's. 

Jisung picked up his chick pacifier and waved it at Chenle. "You're  _ not actually _ trying to  _ regress _ ," he teased, quoting Chenle from earlier.

Chenle made a face, but pulled his own pacifier from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth. Then he made a weird  face. "Blegh." He pulled the pacifier out and picked a few hairs off of the silicon before returning it to his mouth.

Jisung smirked, then focused his attention on the screen, watching the clownfish couple banter and swim around their new home on the reef. He was trying to remember what happened, exactly; it had been a long time since he had seen this movie and he really only remembered the bits in the fish tank, the dentist, and something about jellyfish. Simultaneously, however, he was worrying about  _ how _ exactly he would regress. He wasn’t quite sure he understood how it worked, and was trying to come up with a method to follow but was failing. 

He perked up when the hundreds of red orbs of fish eggs appeared on the screen. He remembered these! He didn’t think he knew they were eggs the first time he watched this, but...suddenly he stilled. The reef’s colors had gone shadowy and the lively music had stopped playing. The dad fish looked worried. Then he saw the large, scary fish hovering off the edge of the reef. Jisung  _ jumped  _ when the fish lunged for the mom, eyes growing wide as he watched the fight scene unfold. He watched the dad wake up from being knocked out, seeing that all those eggs and his partner had been taken by the scary fish. Jisung clung tightly to Chenle, shoulders scrunched up and whole body tensed. Wasn’t this supposed to be a happy movie?

Chenle patted his arm in a soothing manner, but his eyes were more focused on the TV. Jisung found himself slowly unwinding from his tense position as the movie went on and he saw Nemo playing with his new friends. At one point he was aware that he was sucking rather harshly on his pacifier. Blushing, he made himself stop, but then later he found himself sucking again, though not as harshly. He decided to let himself be, getting pulled into the storyline once again.

Later in the film, just as Marlin (Jisung had finally caught his name!) had met Dory, Chenle paused the movie. Jisung whined, startled.

“I just want to get some drinks. Apple juice okay?” Chenle asked, standing up and setting his paci on the bed, shield down. Jisung nodded, snuggling into the blanket to try to regain some warmth from the loss of heat and body contact. Chenle grabbed their bottles and left. Shortly after, he returned with bottles full of amber liquid. He handed one to Jisung, smiling when he saw Jisung playing absently with the ring of his pacifier.

Chenle took the remote and unpaused the movie. He took a drink from his bottle, humming happily. His was, of course, decorated with blue dolphins to match his pacifier and onesie. Jisung slowly took out his own pacifier, opening and closing his mouth a little, feeling the strange emptiness without the small object. He took a few tentative sucks from the bottle, deciding he liked it. 

It was a little later that he started feeling grumpy. He had run out of juice and wanted more. But he didn’t want to stop the movie. Jisung pouted, rhythmically kicking his feet lightly against the side of the bed. Chenle looked over, eyes curious.

“What’s wrong?”

Jisung’s pout deepened. For some reason, finding the words to explain was difficult. He mouthed the nipple of the bottle, trying to think of words to say but failing. Chenle seemed confused that Jisung wasn’t replying, but suddenly his eyes brightened, as if he had thought of something. He scanned Jisung, eyes landing on his bottle.

Hesitantly, he asked, “Do you want some more juice?”

Jisung nodded sharply, still pouting around the bottle. Chenle looked as if he was holding back a smile. He stood and gently pried the bottle away from the younger’s mouth. Jisung started whining until Chenle replaced the bottle with the chick pacifier and swiped a gentle hand through his blue hair. He paused the movie and left to refill the bottles, leaving a slightly confused Jisung behind. How had Chenle known he wanted a paci when he hadn’t even known himself? Was this… was this what it felt like to be little? Had he slipped and not even realized it?

He thought about this until Chenle returned. Jisung stretched his arms out towards the bottle, immediately letting his paci drop and latching onto the drink when it was in his hands. Chenle started the movie and once again Jisung was lost in the colorful world in the TV screen.

Towards the end, however, Jisung’s eyelids were beginning to droop. He was leaning heavily against Chenle, fuzzily watching the last scenes. It seemed as if he blinked and then the end credits started playing. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened in the end, apart from Nemo and his dad being reunited, but he thought he enjoyed it a lot.

He felt Chenle’s arms slide underneath his armpits, lifting him up slightly with a grunt. Jisung whined sleepily, the empty bottle he had been chewing on slipping out of his mouth. It was quickly replaced by a paci, and Jisung was laid down across the bed. He felt the covers being tugged out from underneath his legs, then pulled over his body and tucked under his chin. He sucked half-heartedly at the paci, mind going fuzzier and sleepier as he felt Chenle thread his fingers through his hair and murmur soft words to him. Something about being so sleepy, only after one movie? But most of the words were void of meaning in his tired mind, just a humming background noise. The comforting sensations of Chenle’s voice, the soft blankets and the pacifier tugged at his mind until he drifted off into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all the requests, thank you so much! I do want to note, I did say something in the description of this work, but to clarify: right now I have plans for all members of nct to regress at some point, aside from Johnny, Kun, and Guanheng (this is of course, subject to change, if there’s a request that works with the main flow of the story). I have plenty of plans for when I will have each member regress, but as for how or what prompts their desire or need to do so, a lot of members’ stories are not yet determined. So if anyone has an idea for why or how your fav regresses, hmu xP
> 
> There is a part two to this chapter, but it will be uploaded after I've written the next chapter, which is with norenmin ^.^ As for when the next chapter will be finished,,,,college is starting to pick up with the workload now that it is mid-semester, so I'm afraid I can't give any time constraints.
> 
> Requests will be open until further notice! I always enjoy reading your comments and ideas <3


	7. Chapter 7

“He’s avoiding us,” Jaemin complained to Jeno, dramatically sliding from the bed to the floor. Normally Jeno would simply smile at his boyfriend’s dramatics and wait for him to calm down. But right now he was frowning, because Jaemin wasn’t being  _ too _ dramatic. Renjun  _ was _ avoiding them, and that was a problem.

Especially since it had been nearly a month since he started avoiding them.

Renjun had very obviously regressed that night, now so long ago. Jaemin and Jeno had been delighted--little Renjun was  _ adorable _ . But the morning after, they had been met with an empty bed and a positively  _ frigid _ treatment from their boyfriend. At first they thought,  _ maybe he’s embarrassed, maybe he just needs time to process _ . But after a  _ month _ of avoiding even being left alone in the same room with them, they were pretty sure there was something else going on.

“Maybe we should apologize,” Jeno said.

Jaemin fixed him with a fierce gaze. “For _ what _ ? He  _ agreed _ to try regressing, we didn’t force him. We were very gentle, we took everything slow. He never told us he wanted to stop. We don’t  _ know _ if he wanted to stop. We don’t know what’s  _ wrong _ .”

Jeno looked down, playing with the bedsheets. He still felt enormously guilty. In his mind, they obviously had done  _ something _ wrong. Why else would Renjun refuse to be near them?

Jaemin took a deep breath to calm himself, his eyes tracing Jeno’s form. He could see Jeno’s emotions very clearly, and it made him sad. Sad that this unwarranted fight was making all of their relationship strained. Jeno might be sad now, but he had also been watching Renjun. Renjun seemed to be equally miserable, even if he was trying his best to hide it.

Jaemin placed a hand on Jeno’s knee, causing the older to look up. “We should ask him to talk when he comes back from his lessons. He’s usually calmer after them. We’ll ask why he’s been avoiding us and if there’s anything we can do to fix it.”

Jeno inhaled sharply, nodding apprehensively.

~♥~

Lessons were going horribly.

Normally, Renjun had no problem with learning Korean. Sure, it wasn’t the easiest, but he fortunately had a natural disposition to the language, and didn’t struggle as much as some of the other foreign idols and trainees.

Normally.

Right now, however, he was struggling so  _ much _ . His teacher, bless his soul, was enormously patient and encouraging with him.

“It’s okay, you’ll get it next time,” the instructor said sympathetically. He was putting the books away, ready to go to his next appointment. 

Renjun bobbed his head in agreement, but in reality he wasn’t paying attention. He stared at his personal workbook, the lines of text blurring as he struggled to hold back his tears.  _ It’s just a damn grammar lesson. I shouldn’t worry the teacher for no reason _ . He stood up, automatically thanking his instructor in the most careful, normal-sounding tone he could manage, then left to head back to the dorms. He took the walking time as an opportunity to compose himself. Outwardly, at least.

Inwardly, he felt sick. His mind was running a mile a minute. This morning, he had accidentally started sucking his fingers during breakfast and didn’t notice until he caught Jaemin’s hard stare. He had jerked his fingers out, put his empty dishes away, and practically ran back to the safety of his room. He had been having lots of incidents like that, though not usually around the others. Unfortunately, he knew exactly why his head would grow fuzzy at those seemingly-random moments. He had been resisting regressing, for a while now, and when he wasn’t paying attention or wasn’t all the way conscious (as he was most mornings), the little traits he had been trying so hard to avoid crept into his behavior.

Now Jaemin had  noticed. Renjun was sure that he wouldn’t let it slide, and was dreading having to come up with more prevalent excuses to avoid him.  _ Please just let me go to my room, please don’t be there, please, please-- _

Jaemin made him feel little. He didn’t  _ want _ to be little. He wanted to be able to take care of himself, without having to worry about the others taking control over him and not listening to him because he had acted like a child and they would never take him seriously ever again and--

He arrived at their dorm entrance, and was unusually out of breath. He let his head  _ thump _ against the door, taking in deep breaths and trying to get his mind to stop spinning. Renjun could get worked up so easily lately, each time taking a toll on him. He felt like he could break at any moment, and that scared him.

After a moment, he straightened up.  _ I can do this. Just a few more steps, and I can go to my room and take a nap. I probably won’t encounter anyone. And if I do, I can just say I’m tired and want to sleep. They’ll leave me alone. It will be fine. _ He unlocked the door and stepped inside. He took his shoes off, listening for any hint of noise that would indicate his bandmates were home. He heard none. He walked towards his room, and he was almost there, he could already feel his soft sheets.

“Hey Injunnie? Can we talk?”

Renjun froze.  _ No. Nononono. _ He swallowed, turning to meet Jaemin’s gaze. He offered a weak smile. “I-I’m actually really tired, can it…” his voice got smaller and smaller, his mouth dry. He swallowed again, hoping to be able to finish his sentence properly, but Jaemin interrupted.

“Sorry but I think it’s really important that we talk. You, Jeno, and I.”

Renjun stared at the floor, mind blank. He was trapped. “Where’s Jeno?”

“He’s in my room, waiting.”

Unwillingly, Renjun shuffled a bit closer to Jaemin, indicating that he would follow him to his room. Jaemin turned and led him there. Jeno was sitting on Jaemin’s bed. Jaemin sat closed the door once Renjun was inside, then took a seat next to Jeno. Renjun stood near where he had entered, still staring intently at the floor. Unlike the earlier racing of his thoughts, his mind was now numb with panic.

“So,” Jaemin broke the silence, after no one seemed to be willing to say anything. “Jeno and I have been talking and we think, we’ve noticed that you’ve been avoiding us? And we were wondering why.”

Renjun swallowed, not saying anything.

“Renjun?” Jeno asked, a fragile note in his voice.  _ Oh no. He can’t just  _ sound _ like that. _ “U-um, I know maybe we pushed the regression thing--”  _ What? What is he talking about--  _ “and we’re really, really sorry about it. If you don’t ever want to talk about it again, that’s fine. But...

“I...didn’t know how you’d react,” Renjun interrupted, voice almost a whisper.

Jaemin and Jeno exchanged a glance, confused. “React?” Jaemin asked.

Renjun opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find words, but he didn’t have any. A choked sob escaped him, causing him to clamp his hand over his mouth. “Sorry!”

His boyfriends’ faces fell, instantly becoming concerned. Jaemin carefully got off the bed, approaching Renjun slowly so not to upset him further. Renjun watched him with wide, teary eyes, sobs muffled behind his palm. Jaemin hushed him gently and pulled him into a loose hug. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s okay.”

Renjun whined, clinging to Jaemin to soak up the comfort he had been craving for so long. “Bu’ I-I--”

“We’re the ones who pushed, you shouldn’t feel sorry,” Jeno said, looking near tears himself.

“Didn’t want you to think I was a kid! Didn’t want you to treat me like I couldn’t take care of myself, bu’ I wan’ to be taken care of, jus’ not all the time and was afraid--was afraid--”

Jaemin looked even more concerned. “I thought we talked about this? That we wouldn’t treat you any differently?” 

Renjun sniffled loudly. “Y-yeah, bu’ bad thoughts tell me is no’ true.”

“Oh baby.” Jaemin hugged Renjun closer. It wasn’t any secret to them that Renjun’s anxiety could make him worry about things that were not true. They just hadn’t thought that was the problem here. “We’ll keep repeating it until you believe it then. You are seventeen years old, and we shall treat you as such while you’re big. When you’re little, we’ll treat you in whatever manner gives you comfort. No exceptions.”

“K-kay,” Renjun accepted. He took a few deep breaths, steadying his mind. After a few moments of being held quietly by Jaemin, he gently slipped out of the embrace, wiping his teary eyes with his sleeve. “U-um, I’m sorry for avoiding you guys. I rea-eally thought that you guys wouldn’t take m-me seriously anymore and, and that...I mean, I was really self-conscious after--when I was big again. That’s why I was hiding.”

Jaemin smiled kindly, about to speak when he was interrupted by Jeno.

“Yah!” Jeno exclaimed. Renjun jerked, startled at the sharp tone, but then became even more startled when he saw the expression on the younger’s face. Jeno’s eyes were filled with tears and his lower lip was trembling. “I thought you hated us, that we had somehow pushed too far, that we had missed some s-sign--” his voice cracked.

A gentle smile graced Renjun’s features. He came over to the bed and pulled Jeno into a tight hug. “Crybaby,” he said affectionately, even though he still had just finished crying himself. Jeno made a sad, puppy-like noise and buried his nose in Renjun’s shoulder as closely as he could. Renjun’s eyes started to water once more.

Jaemin sighed and joined the hug, wrapping his arms around both of them. “You’re both crybabies. What am I going to do with you two?”

Renjun sniffled, then spoke up hesitantly. “T-take care of us?”

Jaemin blinked, the underlying meaning of Renjun’s words registering. He then took both of the crying boys’ heads in his arms and cradled them to his chest, then warmly said, “Always, baby.”

“Us?” Jeno sniffed from Jaemin’s shoulder.

Jaemin patted his head. “Of course. If you want to be little too, I’d gladly take care of you both.”

Jeno’s ears glowed red. He hadn’t realized what Jaemin meant, and tried to stammer out an excuse. “I shouldn’t leave you alone to take care of u-us.”

Jaemin hummed, reluctantly agreeing.

“Okay, you’re right. Probably not the best idea when this would only be the second time I’ve taken care of regressors. Maybe next time though, hm?”

Jeno whined and pressed his face into Jaemin to hide. He didn’t like Jaemin’s knowing tone.

“Mm…” Renjun made a noise to call the other two’s attention. “C-can we color?” he asked in a small voice. His pulse quickened with a return of anxiety. He hadn't asked if he could regress right now, and maybe his caregivers had a schedule or something else they were doing or maybe they still needed to talk after it having been so long since their first time…

Jaemin broke out into a huge smile, its brilliance blasting away any worries. “Yes of course! If you’ll sit up and I’ll get the--” he paused midway through is sentence, frowning. “Are you okay? Did something cause you to be little?”

Renjun burrowed deeper into Jaemin’s shoulder, sighing into his shirt fabric. “Bad day appa, bad day.” He stayed like that for a moment, before he registered what he just said and jerked back. Jaemin was staring at him with his mouth wide open, looking every bit as stunned as Renjun felt panicked.

“Bad day,  _ Jaemin _ ,” he corrected himself in a feeble attempt to salvage the situation, yanking himself out of headspace. “J-Jaemin--”

Jaemin  _ squealed _ .

He took Renjun’s cheeks and pinched them, rapid-fire rambling about how cute Renjun was and how happy he made Jaemin. Jeno was pouting, having been jostled and thrown to the side by the other caregiver’s enthusiasm.

“What about me? Don’t I get a name?” Jeno whined, only half-joking.

“Um...well…” Renjun started, avoiding his gaze and cheeks lighting up. He made the mistake of looking back up, where he saw his caregivers looking like predators locked onto their prey. He snapped his mouth shut and hid behind his hands.

“Injunnie~” Jaemin called mischievously. “Do you have a name for Jen-jen hyung?”

Renjun squirmed, mumbling something into his hands. The way Jaemin was treating him was making him slip again, fast.

“Sorry, what was that?” Jeno asked, grinning. Renjun huffed, lowering his hands to reveal a brilliantly red complexion. His eyes glittered with contempt.

“ _ Baba _ ,” he enunciated.

Jeno’s eyes widened, processing, then his lip jutted out and his eyes looking suspiciously wet. He reached out to pull the little into a hug. “Injunnieeeeeee,” he cooed. Renjun whined back, embarrassed.

After a while of Jeno clinging without ceasing, Renjun was starting to get squirmy. He wanted  _ out _ . Thankfully Jaemin seemed to notice and went to pull some things out of a drawer, things that would rescue the entrapped little.

“Hey  _ Baba _ ,” Jaemin said, tapping Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno looked up, eyes forming crescents at the name. “Why don’t you help set the baby up,” Jaemin continued, holding out the pack of crayons and the coloring books. 

Jeno lit up, releasing Renjun and taking the objects from Jaemin. He immediately began entertaining the little, talking animatedly and engaging Renjun with questions about the coloring pages. Jaemin watched them fondly from the corner of his eye while preparing Renjun’s sippy cup. He had missed this, and was glad everything had worked out.

~♥~

“Maaaaark,” Donghyuck called, poking the older’s shoulder. Mark hummed, more focused on the guitar chords than his boyfriend’s shenanigans. “Do you know what the trio’s been up to?”

“Mm…” Mark started, then he processed the question and shifted his eyes away from the sheet music to Donghyuck. “Hm?”

Donghyuck repeated himself.

Mark frowned. “What do you mean?”

Donghyuck sprawled dramatically across the floor. “They’ve been keeping secrets. Sneaking around.”

“What makes you say that?” Mark asked, turning his attention back to his music.

“Well...they keep giving each other secretive looks. And whispering. And...maybe I caught them talking about Taeyong-hyung keeping secrets.”

This caught Mark’s attention. “Taeyong-hyung? Secrets about what?”

Donghyuck pouted. “I du _ nno _ . They just said something about Taeyong feeling small. Whatever that means.”

“Small...like, his place in the world?” Mark asked, trying to remember if he knew the word for “inadequate” in Korean.

Donghyuck shrugged.

Mark mulled over the idea for a while. Donghyuck watched him, enjoying Mark’s thinking expressions fondly. Mark’s frown was increasing. “It sounds like they know something private about Taeyong. I dunno if I like that…”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. Despite Mark being Dream’s leader, he didn’t  _ have _ to act like a parent. “It’s probably not their fault. Besides, if they’re keeping it a secret, then they’re protecting Taeyong-hyung’s privacy, right?”

Mark made a face at him. “I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @/Wheres_my_badger for the suggestion about Renjun's lessons, and thank you to @/ultnct for reviewing the chapter format! You guys are the best <3
> 
> Next chapter will be posted a week from now.


	8. Chapter 8

Jisung was crying so much that he wasn't sure if he’d ever be able to stop. He was so, so embarrassed but he also felt so, so little that he felt like he wasn’t able to do anything about the situation.

He had wet the bed.

How had he wet the bed? He hadn’t done that since he had been very, very young, so young that he didn’t remember it very well, only through his parents telling him about it later.

He had woken up to Chenle’s gentle coaxing, saying something about needing to go take a shower. He had rubbed his eyes, which had been gummed shut by the hours and hours of sleep that he didn’t usually get, wondering why he felt so sticky and uncomfortable even though he had had the best sleep he had had in a while. Then he noticed the huge wet spot underneath him and his wet onesie and had frozen, processing what had happened. Then he just couldn’t stop  _ crying _ .

Chenle was now holding him on his lap, bouncing him like a baby, which Jisung wasn’t sure  _ what _ to think about, and kept telling him over and over “it’s okay, it’s okay.” Jisung kept trying to get some words out, to at least  _ apologize _ for the mess he had made, but every time he opened his mouth he could only get out nonsensical strings of babbling, which only made him cry harder. He got to a point where he could barely take in air, causing him to make a sound between a wheeze and a sob, so he gave up trying to speak and just cried wordlessly into Chenle’s shoulder. Chenle stroked his back silently, bouncing him occasionally. Jisung’s sobs slowly died down, until there was only an occasional sniffle. He felt too worn out to attempt to do anything, so he simply clung to his friend.

After a little while, Chenle asked him softly, “Sung, do you think you can stand up for a moment?” Jisung only whimpered and hugged him tighter. Chenle tried again. “We can go get you a shower and change into some clean clothes. Wouldn’t that feel better?”

Jisung chewed on the inner corner of his lip, considering, then slid off Chenle’s lap, hands still on Chenle’s arms. His legs felt wobbly and he just wanted to go back to sleep and pretend none of this was happening.

Chenle pried the younger’s hands away from his arms, and took one hand in his own. He slowly led Jisung to the nearest bathroom. Jisung’s eyes darted around, afraid that Chenle’s mom would see them at any minute. Chenle noticed the movements and guessed what he was thinking.

“My mom’s still sleeping,” he said quietly. “You don’t have to worry about her.”

When they got into the bathroom, Chenle helped Jisung out of his onesie and into the shower. He helped Jisung shampoo and rinse his hair, and helped him use body wash. When they finished the shower, Jisung attempted to help Chenle by drying his own hair, but after rubbing the towel uselessly on top of his head, Chenle gently batted his hands away and dried it for him, and continued drying the rest of Jisung’s body. Then he wrapped a clean towel around each of their waists and took Jisung’s hand to lead him back to the bedroom, onesies in arm. Jisung’s cheeks burned when he saw the wet spot on the bed, and he pointedly looked away. 

Chenle released his hand and dropped the clothing to the floor. He walked past the bed, took a plain grey t-shirt, a pair of ripped blue-jeans, black boxers and white socks from Jisung’s duffel on the floor and set them on his dresser. Jisung stood awkwardly, not quite sure if Chenle meant for him to dress himself, to start getting back into his teen mindset, or if he was supposed to wait for Chenle to help him. 

He was answered momentarily when Chenle pulled boxers on himself and then grabbed Jisung’s underwear, patting the end of the bed that wasn’t soiled to indicate the younger to sit. Once Jisung sat, Chenle helped him get dressed, which consequently caused Jisung to settle further down into his regressed state. His hand snaked up to his mouth and he started chewing on a knuckle.

Chenle started putting on his own clothing. He watched Jisung worriedly as he tugged on some jeans. “How’re you feeling?”

Jisung looked down and shrugged, gnawing harder on his fingers. He  _ knew _ he should come up with a better answer than that, but… Chenle set down the shirt he was going to put on and came over in front of Jisung, taking the younger’s hands in his own.

“It’s okay,” Chenle said earnestly. Jisung’s eyes slowly were pulled up from his lap and into Chenle’s eyes. Chenle gave him a small smile, conveying comfort and sincerity. “Please don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Jisung nodded, lips pressed together in a pout, trying not to cry again. Chenle looked hesitant for a moment, searching for words.

“Hey… where… I mean, are you…?" Jisung stared at him, not comprehending what Chenle was trying to ask. Chenle sighed and decided to speak plainly. "Are you regressed right now?" 

Jisung shrunk in on himself. Well,  _ yes _ , he was, but he didn't want to admit that  _ out loud _ . That would make it too real.

"Hey hey hey, it's okay, I just wanted to make sure where your head is at," Chenle said, petting the little's arms soothingly. "Are you okay with me taking care of you then? Until we have to go for vocal practice? Or, like, if you slip out."

Jisung swallowed hard. He…he was supposed to  _ stay _ little? And do what? Watch cartoons and...and what if he had another… He couldn't bring himself to think of it. He shook his head rapidly at Chenle. He didn't want to be  _ little _ .

Chenle seemed surprised at his response. "O-oh. Okay. You're not regressed then?"

Jisung whined, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Why couldn't he just  _ tell _ Chenle what he wanted? Chenle shushed him, petting his arms again, slightly panicked.

"Okay, okay, um...how about you just nod yes or no to my questions. And we'll figure this out." He looked worriedly into Jisung's face. Jisung, after taking a couple of deep breaths, nodded affirmatively.

"Are you regressed now?" Chenle asked, still unsure what the answer was. Jisung nodded slowly.

"You...don't want me to take care of you." Jisung shook his head.  _ No _ .

Chenle looked conflicted. "Do you want to be regressed right now?" Jisung shook his head again, pouting. But at least they were getting somewhere.

“Um… do you...want me to help you be… big again?” Rapid nodding.  _ Yes _ . 

Chenle pursed his lips, thinking. “O-kay. Hmm.” They had done all that research on how to get  _ into _ headspace, but Chenle didn’t think that they had looked into how to get  _ out _ of headspace. He started to think aloud. “So...to become big...you would have to start doing adult things again. So… maybe…” He looked around, eyes landing on his bedroom door. An idea formed. “Maybe...we can go eat breakfast. And… you can feed yourself? Instead of me doing it? ‘Cause that should be easy enough.”

A nod.  _ Yes _ .

Chenle pulled Jisung to his feet. He stripped the bed down, wadded the bundle of sheets up along with the onesies, and headed towards the door, motioning with his head for Jisung to follow. Jisung shuffled after him. Chenle headed down the hallway, pausing at the laundry closet and starting up a load of wash. He then headed down the stairs to the kitchen. Jisung was slow coming down the stairs, taking each step one at a time. When he got to the bottom, he saw that Chenle had the bowls and box of cereal out already, and was searching the fridge, presumably for milk. Jisung hovered awkwardly near the table, not sitting.

Chenle turned around, shutting the fridge door with his foot. He had milk and orange juice in hand and eyed Jisung, checking on him. He then prepared a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice, sliding it in front of the chair nearest to where Jisung was standing. Chenle almost seemed like he was going to say something, but then he turned his attention to his own breakfast-making. It took Jisung a moment, but he figured out that he should sit down and start eating, and so he did. Chenle started eating his own food.

Jisung had barely started to eat but he was already having trouble. He was going slowly, so he didn’t make a mess, but this seemed to complicate the matter. His spoon shook, cereal kept slipping off of it and milk splattered on the table. It was all Jisung could do to not spill any of it on his clean clothes. He could see Chenle watching him but pretending he wasn’t.

He was starting to grow frustrated. There’s no  _ reason _ for his hand to be shaking. Regression doesn’t cause hand tremors ( _ but it could cause regression of motor skills _ , his mind supplied oh-so-helpfully). After a few minutes he sat the spoon down with a hard  _ clink _ . He’d barely gotten two mouthfuls of cereal in. Jisung glowered at the bowl.

Chenle wasn’t trying to hide that he was watching anymore. He gently sat down his own spoon and reached for Jisung’s. Jisung panicked, grabbing the spoon before Chenle could touch it. “No!” he cried out. Chenle’s hand froze. Jisung whined, “Gotta do it.” He cringed internally at how tiny and scared his voice sounded. Chenle murmured an apology and retracted his hand, returning to his cereal.

It took a while, but slowly Jisung’s hand steadied and his mind cleared. It was like some muscle had stopped straining and had relaxed. Maybe because he had stopped trying so hard to get out of headspace and just let it happen? Jisung wasn’t sure, and honestly he didn’t want to think about it right now. He was lowkey--okay, maybe highkey--scared that thinking about anything related to regression would pull him back in again.

Jisung stood up, grabbing his dishes and putting them in the sink. Chenle wasn’t done eating yet, so Jisung sat back down. He scratched the back of his neck nervously. Chenle took a long sip from his glass of orange juice, once again looking at Jisung.

“You big again?” Chenle asked at last.

Jisung cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“Oh. Okay.” 

Jisung wanted to die from the awkwardness.  _ What was with that response? _

Chenle finished eating and they both headed back to his room. They stood in the middle of the floor, not quite looking at each other. Chenle was the one to break the silence.

“How are you feeling now?”

Jisung looked up sharply. He forced his shoulders to relax, thinking about the question. “I’m… **”** he exhaled sharply, annoyed. He wasn’t regressed anymore but words still seemed to escape him. He settled for a shrug.

“What happened exactly?” Chenle asked. Jisung tilted his head slightly, not sure what exactly he was referring to. A lot had happened this morning. “I mean, you weren’t able to talk at all or… I mean I guess some regressors go non-verbal but this was our first time trying it and…”

“I’m not--” Jisung bit his tongue. He was about to say “I’m not a regressor”, but that wasn’t really true, was it? “I guess I was… I mean… yeah, I was that. Non-verbal. Speaking just… wasn’t working. A-and that really scared me.”

Chenle’s eyes saddened. He brought Jisung into a tight hug. “I’m sorry you were scared.”

“It’s not your fault!” Jisung chided, but hugged Chenle back tightly. “I’m not even sure why… I mean, maybe that’s what regression is? F-for me? All regressors are different, right? But that’s not...what happened wasn’t...unusual. Right?” Jisung’s voice cracked at the end. He desperately wanted Chenle to have an answer for him.

“Right, right! I was a little surprised cause you had regressed really deeply on your first try, and I wasn’t sure if that was possible. I just thought we’d maybe feel a little younger and have to continue trying if we wanted it to work. But it happened, so it is probably normal. I mean, we can look into it if you want? Deeper regression?” Chenle rambled. Jisung bit his lip, trying to think of what to say. Chenle hesitated before mumbling quietly, “I just hope I hadn’t ruined it for you.”

Jisung pulled away, startled. “Ruined it? You didn’t do anything! It was all me!”

“I-I just thought that maybe I had pushed this too much on you or something. And--hey, wait, what do you mean it was all you?” Chenle asked, brow furrowed.

Jisung looked down. “I-I made a mess of everything. Literally.”

“No! No no no, Jisungie--” Chenle cupped Jisung’s face in his hands. Jisung blinked, surprised at his action. They made eye contact for a solid five seconds, before the corner of Jisung’s lip curled up. Then he giggled. Chenle started giggling too and leaned against Jisung.

“I think-I think we’re being too serious about this,” Chenle said between giggles.

“It is about mental health though…” Jisung said, but he was smiling, much calmer now.

“Yeah but we’re supposed to not be worrying about stuff when regressed, right?” Chenle pointed out.

Jisung huffed through his nose, frowning. “Okay, but how am I supposed to not worry if I’m afraid I’m gonna…” he glanced at the bare bed. Chenle’s eyes followed his glance, looking thoughtful.

“You could get some diapers and--”

“Chen _ le _ !” Jisung interrupted, cheeks flaming.

“What?” Chenle asked, genuinely bewildered.

“I can’t just--you can’t just--” Jisung stammered, growing more and more embarrassed by the second.

Chenle caught on and tried to calm him. “Sung, it’s just part of the regression, other littles use them…”

“I’ve only regressed once, we dunno if I need--” Jisung faltered. “I mean… don’t you think it’s too soon to…”

Chenle fixed him with a gentle look that made Jisung want to squirm. There was a certain decisiveness behind the look, something soft but firm, something that made Jisung know that Chenle had already made up his mind. “Isn’t it better to be safe? To have them just in case?”

Jisung took a breath to reply, then released it with a sigh, looking away. Chenle stood up, grabbing his laptop and pulling up the web browser.

“Here, I’ll order them now so we can get it out of the way and we won’t have to think about it for the rest of today.” Chenle went into his notes and brought up a website. He clicked on a picture of a sizing chart. “What’s your waist size again?” 

“I-I’m not sure,” Jisung lied, trying to stall. He was slightly startled that Chenle had a website on hand for diapers.

“Oh that’s okay, I’ll go get mom’s sewing measuring tape,” Chenle headed towards the door. Sudden anxiety struck Jisung and he stood up.

“Wait no, it’s…” he looked at the chart, then took the mouse and clicked on the corresponding size option, heart beating a little fast from how quickly his lie crumbled. Then he frowned. “How did you know what website to go to? Aren’t there a bunch?”

“I saw them while I was looking at other little stuff. You know, onesies and such,” Chenle replied. He came back over and skimmed through the product information, then went to the checkout and started typing in his information. Jisung backed away and flopped onto Chenle’s bed, curling in on himself. Tears pricked at his eyes and frustration welled up inside him. He sniffled.

Chenle looked up, his face falling. “Oh no, what’s wrong?” he asked, rushing over. 

Jisung whimpered as he felt the tears spill down his cheeks. “Not sure. T-too much.”

“Ah,” Chenle voiced, glancing guiltily toward the laptop, wondering if he pushed too much. “Is a hug okay?”

Jisung hesitated, trying to assess how his body felt, but then gave up miserably and simply nodded. Chenle sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around the younger, smooshing his cheek to Jisung's shoulder.

“M-my head’s a mess,” Jisung said, trying to explain. “I dunno-dunno--”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk,” Chenle said. They stayed like that for a while, Jisung’s quiet sniffles fading slowly.

“I…” Chenle hesitated. “I don’t want to overwhelm you by talking too much, but maybe your head’s messy ‘cause you went into headspace for the first time? And maybe you’re trying to like, stabilize your big headspace now and you’re not used to that.”

Jisung pressed his weight into Chenle. “Maybe,” he said quietly.

“And, I’m sorry for pushing the diapers. All of this really is a lot, really, and I’m just… I’ve been thinking about little stuff a lot lately, and I find all of this really cool, you know? Even though I wasn’t able to regress, it’s still really interesting to me. What I’m trying to say is, I’m really excited about all this and I think I’m pushing it all to go too fast for you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jisung said finally. They stayed like that, enjoying each other’s body weight. Jisung leaned back suddenly, registering what Chenle had said. “You weren’t able to regress?”

Chenle looked surprised. “Uh...no?”

Jisung winced. “It was cause you had to take care of me, wasn’t it?”

“No actually, I don’t think that was why,” Chenle contradicted. “I didn’t really feel little while watching Nemo. Like I don’t mind using the paci and stuff, but I didn’t feel any different. Maybe more comfortable, with the onesie on…” he trailed off, thinking about his experience.

“Oh...does that mean you aren’t going to try regressing anymore?” Jisung asked, a little scared of his answer. Maybe Jisung didn’t want to be little right now, but he was willing to give it another shot, especially considering he  _ did  _ sleep really, really well  _ and _ had managed to get into headspace. But if Chenle wasn’t trying to regress with him…

“Mm, I dunno. I think I might try again? I want to think about it. But, whether or not I do try again, I want to be around you when you regress. You’re just…” Chenle broke out into a grin. “You’re  _ really _ cute when you’re little, Sungie. Like an actual baby.”

Jisung’s cheeks burned. “ _ Yah _ !” he exclaimed, pulling away from Chenle and hitting his shoulder, hard. Chenle just laughed at him. Jisung felt scandalized.

“Is that okay though? Being around you even if I don’t regress?”

Jisung sighed, looking at his lap then quietly admitting, “I don’t want to be alone when I regress anyways.”

Chenle smiled, wrapping his arms around Jisung once again. “Then you won’t be alone!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you @Wheres_my_badger for giving me the courage to write something like this so early on in the fic. Much love <3 <3
> 
> (also I've had this chapter for a while now, like...three updates ago. so I've been sitting on this angst this whole time a;lsdfjsd)
> 
> My semester is almost over (three more weeks guys!!), but that means it's crunch time, so I won't have a lot of time to write. But once it is over, I'll happily be able to work more on this fic. Thank you for your lovely comments and ideas, they are much appreciated and still much encouraged <3


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